Thursday, 21 August 2008

HR at TM

The guy is busy on his notebook. He gestured me to sit down. I was wondering what kind of interesting questions he might put out of the hat. I was just working on which accent/voice/dialect to use on him, and what all ways I could totally throw a bedsheet (Make that carpet) over his head, blinding him enough to think I am worth recruiting.
It was a silent two minutes, silence broken only by his constant tap-tap on his keyboard. One of the PCs even brought in a cup of coffee and to my luck kept it RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I hadn't a shot of caffeine in about 10 hours. The smell of strong coffee seemed to be wafting ONLY into my nostrils...
Lo, and behold, I was a tiny man, standing on the rim of a giant coffee cup. Ah, a big ocean of coffee in front of me...all for me. Just lying there. I take a big spring like coil towards the ground and jump high up in the air , moving forwards, about to dive into that depth-less pool of warm, sweet coffee, I am inches away from touching the surface...



HR: AHEM! So give me your documents Mr...

(Whoa? I was back)

Me: Oh yeah...here you are.
I was surprised at the way the interview began. Do they ask any conventional questions around here???

Another minute in silence, as I try not to think of Coffee or even look at it.

HR: Take a look at this document please!

Hands me a letter - "I will work anywhere in any shithole, under any designation as anything...blah blah blah"

I took a look at it and kept it on table.

HR: Whats your aggre?

Me: 60.3% Sir!

HR: Did you sign that?

Me: Oh you wanted me to? Sure!

I signed and handed it over to him. He threw it to his left on the table and..

HR: What did you say your aggre was?

Me: 60.3..SIR!

HR(Gesturing frantically): Come here!!!

I carefully cross the cables of the power adapter to which his laptop was hooked onto. He pointed at his screen, I bent and took a look at the number which said "59.96".

Me(Trying to look as if I didnt realise it): What is that sir?

That was my aggre! Yes. There are two waysof calculating aggre
1) Average of percentage obtained in each sem

2)Total marks obtained throughout BE/ Total maximum marks granted in BE
The second method is also known as "What the hell" Method.

The HR did not buy my look. He kept pointing at the number. I realised that - 'This is as far as you go"
I wanted to just go out of the room, accepting my fate. After all, I was not sure of what I wanted anyway. But the way he had gestured at me to come closer was irritating me. I didn't want to be labelled a cheat in his mind, whether he gave me a job or not.

I just my hand into my shirt and took out my placement ID card

Me: Sir, this is a pink card, its given only to those who are above 60% aggre. Around here and usually in all companies, aggre is calculated in a different way ( I explained method 1).

He thought for a while. Then he changed the formulas on his spreadsheet document (With a lot of help from me) to show the new aggregates. When he pressed enter, the site on the bottom most cell was a movie-to-my eyes!
The number 60.3% sat pretty snug in its little cell on that Excel Document.

HR: Go back to your seat.

I didn't want to go back to my seat anymore. I just wanted to go.

HR: This is not the right method to calculate the aggre.

Me: Ok sir.

HR: Fine, tell me what you wanna do in life.

My mouth ran like its life depended on it. But, thats usually the case,isnt't it?
You don't ask people like me to speak and expect to be lost in translation. Its not a talent, its a curse! Half the food I eat is digested to provide energy for my voice box.

After a good show.

HR: Good! You see we calculate aggre in this way, and we need 60% at the time of joining. I cant take you in sorry.

Me: ok. But, My aggre will be way past 60% in the end.

HR: Is it? How come?

Me: Its no secret you score loads in 8th semester. And I love 7th sem subjects.

HR: How will you manage then?

Next 5 minutes I spent trying to make him think I can really nail 7th and 8th semesters. When suddenly he realises he completely missed 6th sem.

HR: WAIT! What about 6th sem?

Me: Oh 6th sem is bad. Its bad. My aggre will go down.

I somehow didnt feel like I should lie.

HR:How have you fared?

Me: Not so good score. My aggre will go down after the 6th sem results.

HR: What about backs?

Now I didnt feel like I should be speaking so much of truth. I knew (Then) that I was sure to fail in 4 subjects, yet...


Me: No backs! No sire! Absolutely none!

HR: You have any backs now?

Me: Yeah. Its a subject called AMP

HR: Oh?????????????????

Me: Yep.

HR: Well, I can't let you in with a record like that. You have great marks in 10th. But look at your curve now. We cannot allow this.

Me:Hmmm

I didn't want to press any further.

HR:How many interviews have you attended before this?

Me:This is my first interview :)

HR: What happened to the others?

Me: I was not shortlisted for TCS, I was shortlisted for Thoughtworks, but I didn't get past the second round.

HR: What about the other companies?

Me: I was not eligible

HR: How you were not eligible?

Me: I have a running backlog.

HR: You ALSO HAVE A RUNNING BACKLOG?????

Me: Yeah!

HR: What happened at the second round at Thoughtworks?

Me: They wanted C++ Coders, I coded in C. My program's partial output was not helping either.

HR: How many C++ Coders are there in VTU?

Me: I can code in C++ sir.

HR: Then why didn't you?

Me: Cause I didn't know they were particular about C++. I just decided to do it in C.

HR: Well, you wanted to get in Thoughtworks?

Me: Its a good company.

HR: Yeah I know. It is a good company.

<- silence->

HR: Well, I don't have anything else to ask or say. Do you have any questions?

Me: No sir.

HR: Thank you. That will be all.

3 comments:

Sanjay said...

Hey..this one's good man..you write stories well..however this one's one of ur own..good going..y dont u start writing novels..?

rubbiya said...

yeah hez rite..u shud write novels...fiction at its best!

Iceman said...

Hey, what do you mean by fiction? :O