Thursday, 20 November 2008

Girls, gays and me!

Love at first sight part-II (a.k.a)

Preface:
I want to narrate two incidents today, since I have been busy and could not write for quite a while, I decided to club both incidents into one single post.
A word of caution, the blog sounds incredibly desperate, since it is made to sound like that, if you have a poor sense of humour, this is where we part ways.

Disclaimer:
Please NOTE: that this incident or its narration on Insanity Unlimited!!! has absolutely no relation to the horrible(as described by hordes of movie goers) "Dostana" which is making waves among all the homosexuals and perverts across the nation. This post was pending from long before I woke up to its nonsense.(It was necessary to bring this to the attention of all the Ridiculously smart asses who might have made some guesses based on the title
- rest of the world, please ignore this note and read on)


This post is also called Love at first sight part-II, if you are a new reader, please refer to the part one (Which I have not a clue why, is necessary at all!!). Meanwhile let the rest of us pick up where we left off.

The real deal:
After the huge setback of the last 'love at first sight' saga, it was thankful enough that I didn't take to drinking and smoking and doping and groping( ok ok, it was not so dramatic, but we need some spice before we start).
Still in the search of any kind of excitement in my incredible boring life, the blog of which churns up best sellers out of articles written about old cricketers retirements and has absolutely no relation to my own life, I hit upon a shake-up of the month on a popular(not-so) social networking sight.

One fine day on the network, I get a message from a certain self-proclaimed "Smart guy" who says 'Hi...want frensip'. Short and sweet and incorrect. Brutal murder of english perhaps, but I decided to ignore the message. I got some 10 messages in my inbox of the site withing a span of some 5 hours, all more or less the same thing as above. I decided to just give a polite "Hi" as return and so I did.
Lo and behold, barely 15 minutes have passed, I get a new message "plz reply if u like gay, if not me you frenzzzzzz".

From the past 5 -6 years I have had to deal with boys and girls who are under the impression that in order to be cool, you should be able to crack a "Gay" joke.
All these Oh-I-am-so-funny boys and girls, the insult to real humour that they are, are also insult-to-balls and would not even remotely dare to pull such a prank on anybody in this way. So this was definitely not a prank.

This "Smart guy"s new message put me on a flash back to an evening on Betta when a certified gay couldn't stop staring at P-Man and me. It had scared the sh!t outta me.
I ignored the new message and he kept sending the same message over and over again. Until he totally pissed me off and I just replied with a "what?" .
Thankfully the private messages stopped immediately.

Maybe I am supposed to be "Understanding" all the gay peoples "sentiments" here, but all I can say is...Duck this sh!t, he is a duckin gay!!

This explains the gay part of the eyebrow-raiser title. Now for the girls part and also the love at first sight part, though it has hardly ANYTHING to do with love, just like the first part!

...

Fast forward some two weeks, give or take three days, I am on driver duty for dad. Taken him to a clinic in the heart of the city because of his heart-related issues(NO! thats not the love part).
The doc is late, so I decided to stay away from the crowd inside the clinic and sit outside on my bike and reply to some of the messages on my cell (Yes, the same cell on which 85% of my recieved messages are from my own sms group!).

As my eyes wander around the occassional idle periods I notice a girl,sitting alone at the back seat of a car on the road-side, intensely staring at me. She was somewhat cute! Fine, she was really cute. I slowly turned my neck around to watch whom she was really staring at. Alright, nobody behind me, just walls. I recieved another message and I got back to messaging. 5 minutes later, I look up, and she is still staring.

My mind went into another flash back, to the same girl from the Love at first sight Part-I story. I decided not to fall into the same ditch again. I just said to myself:

"This girl, who is cute, I mean really, is NOT STARING AT ME, and did I mention cute?"

Took a deep breath and got back to messaging.

5 minutes later, same thing. She(the cute girl) is still staring and now smiling. This made me look at her a little more obviously and rather questioningly. Probably, because of that, she turned away too.
This happened for quite a while

By now, you must have realised that the doc was conveniently, a little too late.

Finally something happened, a guy, (her brother...fingers crossed), came over and spoke to her. God knows what. She nodded quite strangely and he took of again in a hurry, across the road.
As he went away, she picked up a water bottle from her seat and and started playing around with it in her mouth, still looking at me. I had no clue, what to make of it.

"Ok! She is definitely looking at you, this is not a repeat of the first girl..."


After a while I got bored of all the staring and eye contacts (can you believe it?) and I just decided to go back into the clinic to see what dad was doing. He was reading the newspaper and the crowded room which was bursting with opinions (Typical Indian crowd) about anything and everything, most of it poorly educated opinions, was now quite, boring and uneventful like my life.
I heard my cousin and aunt were sitting in the next clinic and rushed to meet them. After a bit of chatting outside, I noticed the (cute) girl again. Turn and searched for her rather,just in time as her - brother - brought her an ice-cream cone.

She (did I already say cute?) opened the door of the car, got out and started licking at the ice-cream, still looking at me. She seemed to be finding it amazingly difficult to take a simple lick off that ice-cream and before her brother could scream - 'careful' , she spilt her ice-cream all over her dress.

The good brother that the guy was, he cleaned her up and made sure she ate the remaining cone.






It did not take me very long to realise that, the girl was in fact.......A RETARD!!!






The picture shows an artists conception of how I might have looked when I realised the naked truth that day.



WHY GOD WHY?????? WHY ME??????(I know I am not being politically correct throughout this post,but still...I need to ask) WHY ME!!!?????

9 comments:

Vishwas Krishna said...

Enjoyed it. Especially, the later part. That expression of yours shown through that "cute" picture is very good. Better luck next time.

anusha said...

LOL....better luck next time :P !!!

kavya said...

I must say u r very unlucky!!! :P

Bharath said...

I thought u were only insane .Now u have to change it as "Unlimited Unluckiness" :P

good luck ! :)

Iceman said...

No more next times, I have decided to stay bachelor :P

--
Unless ofcourse, Priya shows up on my door someday and begs me to marry her =))

kavya said...

Most of your writings are either "cynical" or "comical".Thought this one was to be on a different note . .But here we go :)

kavya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Iceman said...

Most as in 99.8% of them only? ;p

Kavya shekhar said...

Make it 99.9998 :). . 99.9998 % of those which i have read ;)