Friday, 17 April 2009

Savage Seminar

Well, if you all thought Perplexed was the limit. Wait till you hear my story!

First of all, our dumb dept made us give two seminars. Both on the same topic. First one just asks us to give a presentation. Second one has a presentation, a 20ish page report on it and 6 page technical paper for IEEE.

For no good reason, a brief background on how the idea of an additional IEEE paper was conceived:

Somewhere in the dark corners of the darkest offices in my college, two voices are deep in discussion -

"Hey, think of something which can be a pain in the ass for our students "

"Madam, how about an IEEE paper?

"I like your style"

"I am your humble follower your sadness"

"You are making me all wet with tears *sniff*. Anyway,my dear short psycho , lets go screw some students"

"Aye"

*Hugs & Kisses*
--
People who know me know that I am always on Damage-control mode. I have all the time in the world and somehow, it ain't enough!

First seminar:

*One hour to go for my first seminar
*My presentation ain't ready
*I dunno what my topic is (holo.. something)
*There is no power
*The central UPS system is down
*The notebook battery is dead

And I am busy calling P, Rohit, Nush,Kavs and anyone and everyone asking them if they have power and if I could go over and do it there.

As I am calling, the power returns barely 30 minutes before the seminar time and miraculously I am at the laboratory on time!
My dumb presentation conjured over 20 minutes but well hidden by my pretence of hard work and solid knowledge goes well and I suddenly feel like a king.


Second Seminar:

I am now feeling invincible. Nobody can beat me. I could pull the first one off in 20 minutes, I can kick some serious ass if I work for 3 days for the second one. Right?

I spend my days rehearsing loser lines like "Second seminar..I'm coming to get YOU!" and the like in my mind. I say that so many times that I loose track of days and finally BANG! It's 15th of April.

Hey what happens on 15th of April? My birthday? naah...is it my friends birthday? nooo..wait TODAY IS MY SEMINAR!!

Where the hell is my 20 page report, 6page tech paper and new presentation on my topic of Holo.. something?

I tell myself-
Relax. You can do this. You are the master of damage. I mean damage control. You can do it. Just sit.

There is nobody at home, so I don't get any coffee. I hurry pluto around the Neighbourhood almost forcing him to do his thing and I get back on my table and guess what? There is no power!

No power. No caffiene in my blood. No time. I wrote down on my things to do list "Stop being a loser" and begin to work, praying that the backup can last.

I start going tippy tippy tap tap on the keyboard for 4 straight hours punctuated by visitors, some bananas, 2 pieces of bread, water and a bath. And my report is done. Now the Presentation. It takes another 10 minutes because I just removed a few slides and added a few new ones to the old presentation..how pathetic??

The show-off is at 4:45 and I don't have much time left for that. I work on the paper for another half an hour and get ready to leave.

Now I must get everything right. First of all uniform.(Yes, my great college has one). Most of us don't wear it most of the times, but the nerds do.
Last time every single person had worn the uniform for the seminar, so I decided not to take chances this time either. After all, I had a pathetic set of papers to submit, I might as well not piss them off before hand.

Right. Now where is the uniform. OMG...WHERE IS THE dAMNED UNIFORM??? I hadn't seen them in months. I had not a clue where I had put them.
*The almirah ? - NO!
*The clothesline? - NO!
*The other room? - NO!

Where the hell is it??????

Ahh is that it? Yes. Alas, under the pile of rubbish it lay, the material of the moment..my uniform! Great put it on..put it onnnn!!
Done. Files - into pen drive. ok. done. what else? Nothing.

All set lets go.


While leaving I get the feeling, I have forgotten something. What is it? Well, no time. Go!

On the way I take out my cell and look at the time.

It's 5 fuckin twenty!

WHAT? I was supposed to be there half an hour ago! It's ok relax..relax, we will explain, you just relax.

I reach the college I climb up the stairs and suddenly remember that I am supposed to take the print out. I rush to a shop he says his printer aint working. He speed away to another shop and push my pendrive into a system there. Its not working.
I had brought a back up (haha!) I put that in, his USB port breaks. I put it in another one and finally I am taking print outs! Phew.

I am sure I forgot something...

While the 31 sheets of paper are getting printed, a cutie keeps giving me glances and I am thinking, good..glances are good, slows your heart rate. Glance back at her!

Soon- Im done. Lets go. I run up the stairs again, saying hello to a couple of people, and finally I am the lab doors. I slowly walk in, everyone turn towards me, some are laughing, the lecturers are hell serious and I think to myself

"Oh shit, get ready for your whoopin of ya lifetime..."

and just as fast as the anticipation had built, the lecturers turned their faces away, without a word or reaction. I go completely blank at this, but my legs somehow carry me over to an empty stool and settle me down. As I come to, Dee sitting next to me says

"Why did you wear uniform? It's wednesday"

And I looked around shocked, I am the only guy wearing an uniform in that lab.
WHY GOD WHY?? WHY ME??
I feel like running away and jumping off the top of the building.

Anyway, after some consolation, I pull a blanket over the guides eyes and make them believe I worked hard on my seminar, because my topic is more physics(my fav sub) and chemistry than software and electronics, which actually means, they just don't get it do they? Especially when I just lie to them about the things I don't know!

After coming out of this hectic day, I wonder.

When-will-I-Change?

You know what the worst part is? I still haven't found out what I had forgot..I am just wishing it is not important!

16 comments:

anusha said...

We had on thursday and yet-none of us were in uniforms.The lec's have already started treating us like we're not associated with the coll........
dont suppose u forgot anything-wsa just an illusion since you were late!!!!

damn said...

Hilarious!!!! Mine was bad too. But nothing compared to urs. We were told tht we had to give the seminar in the Seminar hall in front of 100 students and obviously the lecs.( Hype Hype and Hype) But then, I had my seminar in a lab with a not-so-interested-sleepy guide.
She was more interested in ACE. For every damn slide, she said NEXT and every single time she said that, I felt like walking away. I mean I was made to wait for 3 hrs. Thanx to her BUSY ACE schedule. On top this, she behaved as if this seminar was a punishment. But she gave me 49. Thts wat I needed. Man and kudos to the topics that were rejected. Every single topic related to Comp Sci was rejected and I took up a non-Comp Sci topic. I jus wanted to confuse her and I did. ;)

Anonymous said...

hehehe!!! dont try to change..u cant change...i hope the visitors dint irritate u when u wer buzzzzzzy

perplexed said...

haha! for people like us.. we cannot change.. even if we tried..it's this simple equation of pressure=more productivity at a faster rate! I think we like the rush..the last minute cramming!

and uniforms?? now which college is that?!!!

Iceman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Iceman said...

@Nush
They have realised they can't torment students anymore!

@Damn!
Damn! 49? Damn!! I would kill for a 49.

@Anon
No if they irritated me, I'm sure they would have found out.

@Perplexed
Maybe that equation holds good. Though my exams usually screw me halfway to hell. No productivity there!
And about the college, just like Ping studies in OMGIT, I study in WTFIE

pooja said...

hey u had forgotten tat it was wednesday...hahahh

mallika said...

hehe.. its so much fun to be late.. i liked ur second seminar story :)

Bharath said...

Its good to see that u managed to give a nice presentation inspite of having all these insane things ! U are totally used to it :D ....
I hope u won't do the same thing during ur project presentation !

Kavya c said...

Saw you that day at 5 , fully tensed wearing uniform near the old building gate . .
Was wondering if in the rush hour u didn't get anything else to wear and grabbed uni .:)
But your story is different as always :). .

kavya said...

Hmmm i was shocked to see you in uniform.. You generally don't wear uniform and you wore it on wed of all the days!! :D

I guess you forgot that it was wednesday and nothing else. its your illusion!! :D

Iceman said...

Yeah, just an illussion I guess, since its so many days and I still can't figure it out!

@Kavya C
Yeah, you are one of the "couple of people" I have mentioned in the post.

@Batta
No way! I am gonna kick ass in project presentation

" Project Presentation- I'm coming to get you! "

@Malli
Yeah, most people like that one

@Dodo
Shut up! You wore it on a saturday. That too AFTER reading my post. Even mum asked you about it.

Akshit said...

hilarious as ever

please dont change buddy, or else the rest of the world will get bored

Iceman said...

@Akshit
No sir :) I love me

Cain said...

if u change i'l stop reading your posts

Rebecca said...

your friends are right - you should not try to change. I have no idea what your talking about here but I laughed again (out loud) and smiled through the entire story!