Monday, 24 August 2009

If you see Kay..

Warning: Total Bad ass post. Not suitable for weenies, jimbos, meow-meows, cry babies, priests, nuns, altar boys, righteous people, do-gooders, say-gooders, oldies, coldies, gandhis, sadhus and perhaps some children below the age of 18.

Being a reader on this page is subject to heart attack risks, please read the offer document (disclaimer post) carefully before reading.

(Another article re-incarnated from the old drafts)

The word "Fuck"

Such a wonderful word! No seriously. There was some baccha kuccha izzat that remained hidden away from my view. Today I intend to wipe it off by writing about this word - Fuck. Its sorta like selling your soul to the devil. But of course I did that also, long back, so lets just shut the Fuck up and talk about the word Fuck?

Everybody has a touching story about how they were introduced to this literary marvel. Maybe your brother gave it to you, or your sister gave it to you. (Or forced it onto you) Perhaps it was your neighbour, a friend..what the hell it may have been the TV.

My touching story begins with me joining a new school after a lousy 7th standard in a school where "idiot" was the biggest swear word I had known. If some kid yelled idiot, no not call ME an idiot, even if he yelled 'The I-word' aloud at someone else or even at nothing then I would

"ohhhhhh you said bad word, wait I will tell teacher. Maaaaaaaaam maaaaaaam he said bad worrrrrd "

After that the teacher would come and spank the living fuck outta these anti-social elements who spoke of the 'I-word'. (Which I was made to believe was an abomination to God)

8th standard came and I was in a new school. In this new school, it was customary to bring a new guy up-to speed of all their heart-warming traditions. I remember my very first day in my new school. Everyone seemed to be like crazy animals, shouting yelling, throwing stuff. All this was new to me. In my earlier school, everything had to be well-mannered and disciplined. Anyway, its barely 10 minutes after my first assembly here, and as we returned to the classroom, this guy comes up-to me and says

"Hey new boy, what's your name?"

"I'm so&so"

"Hello 'so&so', do you know what Fuck means?" (Time is money and he was stingy)

I just looked at him puzzled. And he went on

"Fuck! Fuck? F U U U U K. FUCK! dunno?"

I looked on more puzzled.

"Have you seen Titanic?"


"Did you watch what they do in the Jeep properly?"

"Not clearly"

"But you have an idea right?"


"God..OK Anyway. That is fucking"


By now quite a group had come together to watch my holy acceptance tradition going on.

"Do you know how babies are born? "


"By fucking"

"OK" (After the horrible ending to the conversation I was clearly confused about whether I just learnt English or Cinema or Biology)

I learnt a lot that day on my first day of school. I just wish I could say I was proud of it all!

Later in the evening that day, as I got into the school bus to head back home, two guys, also from from the other section, sat next to me. One of these guys spoke to me, while the other just watched on, with a silly smirk on his face:

"Hi, what's your name?"


"OK, I'm guy1, he is guy2"


"Aren't you the new guy who hit M C D?"

(Worried) "Hmmm, is he hurt? Im sorry, I wouldn't have..."

"Why did you hit him?"

"He threw stones at me, one of them hurt me hard on my forehead"

"Why did he throw stones at you?"

"I dunno. After that he was just smiling when I asked him. So I hit him"

"Good. We don't like him either"

Now I started to feel good. I had met somebody better than the other horrible boys n girls. Somebody I could have a normal conversation with, which did not involve introducing me to a new swear word, somebody to...

" Did you get hurt? "


" do you know what Fuck is? "

Things have changed a lot from that fateful day to date. Today, Fuck is the brilliant answer to almost all of life's burning questions.

Its already 1 AM have you taken the dog out?

How was your exam?
Got fucked.

Is your Crush good looking?
She is fuckin cute.

Please don't feel bad but everybody here hates you.
Like I give a fuck

How much you studied?
Fuck off.

How about you take me to Coffee day after your exams? Or atleast Icecream?
How about a fucking no?

I dunno why people don't like this word. And I definitely dunno why people don't like me.
I'm such a sweet, soft and decent guy!

I'm thinking as I write this, from now onwards, any day I try to put up my angel face, people will straight-away say "Hey, aren't you the guy who wrote the 'fuck' blog?"

The world is so FUCKED up!

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

it is my favorite cuss word - it can mean so many different things. You can use it for many meanings as well- when your mad or even happy, sad, lost, confused, scared, content, calm, relaxed. I think you get the idea.