Sunday, 31 October 2010

Introspection and The Five year plan

I'm a true Gemini. The only person who will know my deepest desires and plans will be me. Here I attempt to go against that trait and publish for all to see, a small fraction of what I wouldn't have preferred to disclose, usually...

Recently a person asked me a question out of the blue – “So tell me about you. What are you good at?
She had me completely stunned. I had no answer at all. Time and again such incidents should not keep reminding me that I have been a loser all my life. I think it's high time I do something so that I don't have to face the situation again. Oh about the answer? I told her one of my original Rajnikant jokes and she forgot to repeat her question later or decided not to.

It led me to think of what I want to do in the next five years. So I put down a list and somehow I feel it is connected to me being a step more productive in life. Don’t ask me how. Also these are the list of things don't require the Gods to descend upon middle earth to help me finish it off. The plan is open to tweaking and additions mind you. As long as it doesn't mess with the basic idea. Here it is-

* Pay off the education loan
            This might be the most important of them all. There are some things I would finally want to get for myself. Before I go crazy with that idea, I need to pay off my loan first. Helps the conscience ;)

* Buy a car with no mortgage
            I am a biker dude - No doubt. This is for the family. Some car. We never had one.

* Spend all my money - Once!
            Money makes the world go round. So make it go round. However I don’t intend to feature this plan in any other 5 year plan ever.

* Tell a girl You love her and mean it.
Note: I know this not something that can be "done" or "achieved" at will. Save me your gyan! And No, I have never said it to anyone with or without meaning it or whatever. Stop assuming. Wait, keep assuming, it’s more fun this way, like the time you all thought I screwed someone at work. Anyway, I hear all you singles shouting against it (or now wondering if you should) me - I've been there, done that! At the end of five years from today I will be closing in on my 30s and will be only 20 years away from settling down ;) 

* Add 7 kilos
             Yeah Yeah Yeah..wtvr!! Maybe this should be achieved before my previously listed plan, otherwise I will just end up being rejected.

* Don’t let this list turn into a bucket list
            Self explanatory.

I considered adding 'Higher studies' in there. But then, I am not really sure I can. At this point, it would take a miracle. In that case, the list would say: 
-Turn into a superhero
-Save two million lives from peril
-Improve forest cover
-Reverse Global warming
-Get the beautiful girl For your very own Happily Ever After


A little note of interest before we go
I asked about 6-7 people about what I should do to make my life more worth it. (No I am not suffering from depression. It’s the result of a bit of introspection.)
Around five people gave me only one instant reply – Write a book!

Now I don’t see myself doing that, so putting that to rest – What would you suggest? You can also tell me about your five year plan. Maybe your list will help me improve mine ;)


Let us revisit this list in the Sweet November of 2015 and see if I walked the walk.

Thursday, 14 October 2010

Waiting for Deepavali leave

There is a holiday declared on Nov 1st and 5th. So I just have to apply 3 days of leave (Which I don't have anymore in the first place) in order to enjoy 9 days of vacation. I approached my manager in August and September for the approval of the same. [BTW My manager and my team lead have taken an oath to ruin my life, but that's another story]. He has denied both the times.

His reason is that since I am more local I can't be granted the leave since there are scores of other people waiting in line.

Looks like it ain't happening!

Friday, 1 October 2010


I am one cursed soul. I don't know what I have done to anger the Gods, what sins I have committed, but they are definitely super pissed at me.

I suffered from Insomnia when I was studying BE somewhere around 4-5 sems. And people usually make it sound cool because you are still all funny and cheerful in the day and the guy doesn't even sleep? Trust ain't that cool.

Then I suffered again a few weeks towards the end of BE. The sick thing was that the first time I suffered, nobody at home or around believed me. One fine day, around 3 AM when a neighbour had problems and they came out to ask me for help, called out in a very low tone and I sprang out and opened the door. They believed me now! Oh yeah! Why would a guy lie about insomnia? I just don't get it. Well, nobody ever really believe the things that go on with me. For example, people at my work place wont believe I have a habit of writing. (I refuse to name the blog - which helps their case). New people I get to know don't believe I used to talk a lot..its a long list.

Anyway, after the holidays started in the June of 2009, I used to sleep 10-12 hours a day. Most people thought I was making up for all the lost sleep.

When I didn't suffer from insomnia, the Gods ensured I got no sleep with numerous well orchestrated plans. First you all know about the attack of the street lights? I wrote about it. Then the attack of Akon, thanks to my roommate who carefully placed his computer speakers next to my pillow and played it all night as he studied each and every single fucking day, with the lights on. I wrote about that also.

I came out of that PG, rented a house, got rid of that room mate, occupied an entire bedroom for myself (Call me selfish, I just want my sleep). Now apart from the fact that I sleep on the floor, and there are a bunch of Tamilians who seem to laugh like little girls till 1AM for no apparent reason, I did manage to get some sleep, until last month.

The Insomnia is back!

The tossing and the turning. The uncontrollable drowsiness. The headache. I can't take it no more. You know what the worst part is about insomnia? You gotta come up with something to think for the entire 8-10 hours you are tossing and turning on your bed. That usually doesn't happen and so you are left with thinking about all the useless trash in the world.

"How would it be if my eyes were blue?" (I can already think of a comment coming up on this - ' would look uglier')

"My manager, he is such an asshole. Maybe I could follow him on the way home and smash a stone on his head when he turns into a dark alley"

Then I rub my eyes for a while. Turn right..adjust my knees or hands or whatever, throw the rug around, turn the pillow over.

"Maybe I should rob a bank. THEN I could buy that DVD writer for the laptop"

"I think I will make a good robber" And now my Imaginarium starts creaking into action. 'Ladies and gentlemen, this will only take a minute. Put your belongings into this bag, and you behind the counter, push that button and Ill blow your head off, you sir Ill take that iphone also, you madam, you got a nice rack...' that's when the robbery scene turns into something else, but lets not talk about that now. I'm sure you people know by now I have got a pretty good imagination.

Anyway, that doesn't really help, cause you really wanna start counting sheep (which doesn't work if I do either) but the moment you start counting, the sheeps turn into anything.. Dirt Bikes, Bottles of..err...mazaa, Pamela Andersons..

This goes on till dawn when I can hear people start to wake up, some start sweeping, others start weeping. And now I am really cursing myself for losing so much time and pull the blanket over the head trying to get the last few minutes of sleep.

That's when I usually get some sleep..a long series of 20 second sleep intervals..I think. Probably what's kept me alive.

I have cut down the intake of coffee, hoping that it is what is causing the insomnia, not working. A tablet of citrizine has always helped me get some sound sleep. But I wouldn't resort to pills. Any other ideas?