Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Gaddam Sexual Harassment Day

First of all - Happy World Aids day. All you naughty kids out there - Play safe! :D

I hope you are landing on this post after reading The Office part II - I see dumb people as this is a continuation of that series.

Now coming to the story, Gaddam, is my colleague. I usually don't take names, but I'll make an exception here(With the risk of my blog being traced down by people from the office - because this incident has now become a legend in my office and I am infamously a part of it).

He is the most famous employee in my entire department. He is known for his dangerous english that would make Shakespeare roll over in his grave.
We are sitting in this meeting, some 8-11 of us, my manager is also part of it and we are having a very serious moment when suddenly Gaddam barges in and yells loudly to my manager

"Vamsi fingered me"

An immediate pin drop silence fell over the discussion room and all eyes zoomed in on our local celebrity.

The project manager asked "I didn't hear you properly"

"Vamsi fingered me, I swear I have nothing to do with it" he replied.

Now the room went from confusion to total shock. Everybody are now wondering if they were looking at a sexual harassment suit, should they be happy with the excitement? Should they be embarassed that this happened in our project? How did this even happen?

Well, not me. I was least bothered about what this meant and just wanted to quip.

So I asked "Did you like it?"

The more younger crowd started giggling but the manager and the seniors maintained the horror in their faces. However, my manager did give me a stern 'shut the f up' stare. So I did just that. Professional.Corporate. wtvr!

Gaddam paused a while before replying to me "Why are you asking like that? Even you fingered me that day. You know I don't like it"

The joke was on me. The focus of all the dead serious faces shifted from Gaddams stupid ass face to mine. I felt my nerves swell up and could literally hear my heart beating. The only things going through my head were 'what? who? finger? GADDAM?? His face - full of confidence - truth - but how? when?'

I have never cursed in my office, but what the hell? There is always a first time and that was when I said
"Gaddam...What..the..FUCK are you talking about?"

Manager intervened "Gaddam can we take this up later? I don't think we are all speaking on the same wavelength here and we in a meeting"

I didn't care about the manager anymore "You can't just walk in and yell any home-made nonsense into our face"

Gaddam fought back "What? Atleast you were justified in fingering me that day, I am not blaming you only yaaa, please don't be angry with me, I trust you, but Vamsi should not have fingered me"

Who the hell was Vamsi and why did he finger Gaddam?

"Gaddam, I have absolutely no clue what has happened to you. You are going mad. You need rest." I said.

Project manager was agreeing with me "Yes, I think thats a good idea. Why don't you..."

"No! I am not mad. That guy sits onsite, how the hell can he know what I am going through? He can't finger me like that all of a sudden. There are hundreds of us in this project he can finger whenever he wants" said a more furious Gaddam.

Onsite? Gaddam-Dangerous-English-Onsite guy. Now finally the whole thing flashed into my head.

"Oh my God! Thank God.." I exclaimed and turned to my manager "He is trying to say Vamsi pointed his finger at Gaddam for some screw up. I had taken him to task last week for messing up the svn commit, today Vamsi has probably got him for something else. He has translated word to word from Telugu"

And before the whole thing sunk in to audience the manager said "Ok, Gaddam we got what you are saying, Ill take it up with Vamsi. You need to watch your temper. And team, I think we are done with the meeting, we can take up the rest of the issues on call, hopefully nobody will talk about Gaddam's dramatic scene after this?" and dismissed the meeting. I was cleared of all charges to walk a free man. Somehow, all along, in my mind I knew all this would be nothing at the end of the day, but couldn't help worrying whether this was something actually serious. Its worth mentioning that the managers composure was impressive throughout.

Its been nearly two months and still all those guys and girls from the meeting ask me "Did you finger Gaddam today?"

Gad-damn-it!

7 comments:

Kavya said...

LoL! :D

Stop fingering Gaddam :P
Seriously, how could you all sit with straight face without laughing? I would have burst out laughing if i was there! :D

Iceman said...

Some were laughing after the 'did you like it?' remark, but the guy and the seniors were so serious, it drained all the tickle out of us.

anusha said...

This one was truly, " Finger licking good ... " :D :D

silk smitha and disco shanti said...

@anusha...
u hit the nail.....ROLF...!!! i dont know if u really understood the DEEPER meaning of ur comment, but,,,,amazing comment...!!!!
@iceman...was it??????? oh shit i fell of the chair imagining u and anusha's comment..!!! ROFL..!!

Iceman said...

@Smitha aunty
I don't think she is really that gross :D But since its you who thought that she hit the nail on the head, only you should know if it was :P

Abhishek said...

this is crazy stuff!!
How could u even ask,'did u like it?'!!
ROFL

Iceman said...

A clowns gotta say what a clowns gotta say ;)