Saturday, 25 December 2010

The perfect girl

Once a man was offered the hands of three beautiful women in marriage.                                               

The first was daughter of a king and was heir to all the riches a man can dream of.

The second was the kindest woman known around.

While the third was the most beautiful.

Who did the man choose?

He choose the one with the biggest boobs.

This was a joke I read long ago (Sorry if you are under 12 and reading this, though thats a slim chance). Though funny and fitting for the male stereotype, I was pretty dissappointed with the ending, since I know that even the biggest jerk will have a better reason for a choice and I wanted to know which of the 3 is the right one to go for.

I have promised to define my own 'perfect' girl at least 3 times, the first being 2 years ago on Orkut. Here is the moment, not even those 3 people are waiting for.

Before we proceed, you should know, I am a guy who doesn't know what he wants. Ask me what I want for my birthday and I probably can't come up with an answer. And there is pretty much nothing You, I or Bill Gates can buy that will make me go wild. This is the inspiration behind the post. Expect the description to evolve over time. Especially since I keep getting the feeling I'm missing something right now, as it is.





At the shallow end of the pool:
Anything above 5'4" (and of course less than, say, 5'11")- Cause I guess, its safe to call myself tall.
Long straight hair - Auuuoooooooooo!! Hoot Hoot! *Insanely stomping on the ground*
Jet black bright eyes - To inspire the poems I write in the future...
Athletic - Enough to accompany me on morning jogs (Which I have planned to restart every morning since Jan 09) :P Not that I would ask her to come with me.



Deep end of the pool:
*Genuine - There are a lot of features that will follow in this description that most people fake for the watching eye. And I can almost always tell when its being faked. God! That will drive me sane!


*Cheerful - Some people hold back when they wanna laugh out loud because they don't wanna be considered immature. Some Laugh out loud on purpose to attract attention, or to let others know that they are enjoying. Either ways would be a pain in the *achoo*. Excuse me. But there is one category, that doesn't hold back a laugh or a taunt or a tease when it has come out involuntarily. Find me a girl from this category.

*Talkative Good at converstaion - Doesn't everyone consider themself talkative? Bitching, Gossiping, crying and making weird noises doesn't really count as talkative. Or to rephrase the feature I would say I want someone good at a conversation. And trust me, Im a good listener. (Though this is not about me).

*Educated (duh!)-Are there any good looking single girls out there who also studied in CBSE? :D


*Loves animals - Girls who go 'chii' everytime they see a stray dog or a cat should be reincarnated as one.

*Kind/compassionate - Shall not talk much about this.

*Nature - You know what really irks me? Complaining that there are too many trees around. That they should be cut to make their lives better, their roads wider and their homes sunnier. I could never be with a girl like that.

*One who is not always saying "Listen! Listen!" - Because they are always bad listeners themselves and thats usually because they are very self centered. There can only be one self centered maniac in a relationship ;)

*Not superstitous - Not a fanatic of religious institutions. A girl who doesn't believe that if she doesn't send that chain mail or SMS forward her favourite God will fail to bless her or bad luck will haunt her for 9 years or a spirit will come and make noisy love to her grandma. I believe in the big guy up there, but Im not stupid.

*Not Opinionated - When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape!

*A little possessive ;) - This is something most people don't like right? I have had some trouble before with a possessive girl who I nearly ended up dating. That saga ended really bad, exactly because she was possessive, but over the top. However, I guess if the person is a little possessive, little, I would take it as a sign of adoration, not insecurity.

*Thank you God for Coffee, Cricket & Chocolates - I don't know how many times I have said that here by now. Anyway, a girl who doesn't like chocolates(Impossible is nothing) - Because I don't wanna share. And a girl who doesn't watch any 'saas bahus', since I would like to watch cricket when its on.

*Movies - Lets me watch movies in peace, without talking to me or trying to cuddle up or whatever. I hate it when people talk when Im watching a movie.


*Intelligence (Most important) - Intelligent chicks are such a total turn on! (Even if I was, say, 3 on a scale of 1-10)
I often come across situations while chatting when people give a puzzled look because they are having trouble keeping up and then there are few people I know who are right up there with you when having a complicated discussion. Unfortunately some are men and the girls are taken. My luck(Or my arrogance which you guys were waiting to point out :P).

*Doesn't complain when I am neck deep in introspection -Other wise this is how it usually goes
"What are you thinking about?"
"You are so mysterious, its scary"
"Why don't you share anything with me?"
"Don't you love me anymore?" (Throw in a few sniffs and crocodile tears)
"Is there someone else?"
"Its that girl from your class isn't it? You are always speaking about her"
When everything fails - "Sweety, I trust you, just tell me whenever you are ready ok?"
And finally "Umm..listen..we need to talk..."

Before I can blink, I am speaking to someone on the phone rubbing my forehead and back to thinking that I am gonna die single.

I am a thinker. I think therefore I am. A fellow blogger would know. Maybe I should go after the blogger chicks, but then again, they are all taken too.


These are my...
HUMBLE
...requirements. This decription was last edited/updated on 25th December 2010.
Does she exist? Well, I better wait for my miracle or realise a few years down the lane that she ain't happening, so that I can come back and trim this post.

As of today, my life is complicated enough. Even though some of the evenings do get a little too quiet, I rather not rock the boat while sailing in choppy waters. But writing this was fun! So much for not knowing what I want eh?

24 comments:

Gauri Gharpure said...

Ahem.. Amen..

Iceman said...

Thnx for stopping by Gauri :) I thought you had stopped reading. Glad to know not.

chinmayi said...

humble requirements ==miracle ..
let me know if u get some one with this list :P

Iceman said...

Yup. Humble in bold, big fonts and - centered! ;D

silk smitha and disco shanti said...

uncle...
all this y at ur old age..!??
accept the fact that u will get a nagging, saas bahu watching, neighbour bitching female...
all females will turn out to be that way eventually..!!

Iceman said...

Hope my dear friend...hope! Hasn't died yet. I stil believe in miracles. Otherwise my perfect girl post would have been very boring.

Kavya c said...

Makes a really good read ! .. Beyond that , I think it's really inhuman to except any girl to be all understanding and leave you all by yourself without asking any Q during your introspective times :).

Hard luck but I whole heartedly wish you all success in whatever that is you would want ultimately ;)

anusha said...

I agree that something is amiss. Maybe you will find out what, once you find your girl. And hope that happens soon enough !! :)

Iceman said...

@Kavya Thnx. Long time no see.

@Anush Yep. Maybe too many unfair demands make it seem like there is something a miss. Thnx!

mallika said...

May be ur perfect girl lives in far far away land.. I hope u'll meet her soon.. Enjoyed reading ur post.. :)

Iceman said...

You mean like Mars or something? I knew it! :( I am doomed to be with an E.T.!

crapcorn said...

You are too good a listener to have a nice conversation fella:-)So u need some serious training in this dept..As usual it was a good read though I didn't get that CBSE thing...

Iceman said...

@crapcorn
Ahh crap. Now you have just marked me as bad at conversations. You are scaring away all the chicks!! :0

v said...

you are way too humble for today’s world I say!! Gosh, you could put a saint to shame with all this humble-ness!!!

I wish this new year brings you this miracle of a person into your life!

Happy 2011 :)

v said...

Also, May I suggest to you that you keep this post away from the girl you eventually land up with. For obvious reasons but should you have trouble figuring out the obvious reasons.. shoot me a mail, will be happy to help! ;)

Abhishek said...

Don't think too hard..Go with the good old practice..
Choose a girl with biggest boobs!!

Iceman said...

@V I was beginning to get worried at ur absense there. Happy 2011 to you too:)

Well, I seriously doubt if a girl would ever end up with me if she read my blogs. So thats one obvious reason. Apart from that, my list of 'humble' demands might give her a heart attack.
Everything else is a bit hazy. Im writing that mail!

@Abhishek I did write to Pamela Anderson when I was 12. She said she was honoured by the offer and that she will get back to me soon. I should be getting her call any moment!

Kavya said...

HaHa! :D

Nice description. I can't think of one girl with all the features you mentioned!:P

Anyways You can compromise on certain features like hair, if she has short hair and has everything else you mentioned :P

Kavya said...

HaHa! :D

Nice description. I can't think of one girl with all the features you mentioned!:P

Anyways You can compromise on certain features like hair, if she has short hair and has everything else you mentioned :P

Iceman said...

Short hair and everything else I mentioned?

Done! Who is it? :P

Prmk said...

Well, I suppose these qualities are met only in the dreamworld..
Jst google 'Thank you God for Coffee, Cricket & Chocolates', the first result is one of the post from your blog :))

Pritham said...

Amazing...but im sure there are lots of girls with most of these qualities if not ALL ...

MUKUL SERU said...

I Like the CBSE point :) smething common in my list too... Dont loose ur hope! Btw jus want to ask u !! Do u know why "Draupadi" (from mahabharata) had 5 husbands??? :)

Iceman said...

@P Damn man! You get my hopes down! :P

@Pritham Thanks man, my hopes are up again :D :D

@Mukul Thnx for the Mahabharatha story :)