Saturday, 30 July 2011

The Daily Hypocrite #4 - Crickit Bits


The fourth instalment of The Daily Hypocrite is here with news from the cricketing world and this time with back-links to the original articles so that people who haven't been following some of the news mentioned here, will have an idea about what is actually being spoken.



Harbhajan Singh down with Diarrhoea in West IndiesHarbhajan Singh fractured his pinky finger while he tripped and fell down due to a sudden attack of Explosive Diarrhoea during a practise session. Meanwhile, crickets, board official, ex-cricketers and journalists all over the world have blamed the incident on BCCI refusing to allow UDRS during the series.
"If only BCCI had decided to go with the UDRS, Harbhajan wouldn't have suffered from explosive Diarrhoea" wrote one journalist.
We wonder how many more players have to suffer from how many types of loose motion sicknesses before the BCCI will learn its lesson?


Indian players cheated
Every single cricketer on the Indian World cup winning squad, except Sachin himself, had claimed way before the world cup that they want to win the world cup only for Sachin and Sachin only and not the cup itself.

However, its been a little over three months since the squad won the world cup and they players are protesting that the BCCI are yet to hand over Sachin to them as the reward to take home with. Poor souls. We wonder who gets to keep him though.


Darryl Harper quits International Cricket
News broke out like wildfire recently that Darryl Harper had quit international cricket recently by stepping down from what should have been his last international match, the farewell match. Now, the name does ring a bell, I seem to have heard it somewhere, but I have no idea who the guy is, or which team he played for. I hope he got a fifty at least in his last innings.

Wait, is he Charlie Harper's brother from another mother?


Martin Crowe retires, again. This time *forcefully*
Martin Crowe, cousin to Russel Crowe, surprised a lot of people by announcing that he is going to return to first-class cricket at his ripe old age. But before he could grind his dentures and put up that nitty gritty look to face his first ball, with a not so steady pair of hands, he was not even allowed to step onto the field.

The reason: Abdomen gaurds are compulsory in this neck of the woods where he was to open for and he just couldn't wear it over the adult diaper. Ohhh CRAP!



Dhoni defends decision over not playing Ishanth.
Captain 'Midas' Touch of the Indian (I don't want to shake hands with the person who gave him that name) surprised a lot of people by not bowling Ishanth when England were taking the game away from India and evetually the 2000th test. He said "I was saving his energy so that he could come out and score a triple century while chasing. We had a huge total to follow. But rain spoilt all my plans."
Uhhh...?? We wanted to know how the rain spoilt his plans when it didn't rain after the first innings, but we clearly didn't want to match wit-to-wit with Captain As-Luck-Would-Have-it.





The new support staff
BCCI or as some people like to call it The "Board of Overkill it and then kill it some more" have named their new support staff for the Indian team.

Coach
Team manager
Opening batsmen coach
Middle order coach
Tail-ender coach
Pace bowling coach
Spin bowling coach
Part-time bowling coach
Fielding coach
Slips coach
Keeping coach
Extra cover coach
Deep mid-wicket coach
Third man cum Fine leg coach (for Munaf) (One coach multi-tasking as a result of cost-cutting)
Water boy coach

PsychoTheRapist
Physio

BCCI said that they hoped that the 16 man support staff will be sufficient to groom 11 players to take the field for the upcoming series.

Boy, we don't know, if you ask me I think we will be missing the run-out coach in the England tour!



Broad loses 50% of his pay-check
Stuart Broad was fined on July 3rd for showing Dissent at the match umpire Billy Bowden. Now we don't know what exactly happened out there, but it might have been something like this.


Stuart Broad: Howwzat?
Billy Bowden: No Ball!
Stuart Broad: That's not what your mom said last night.
Billy Bowden: Oh Fine! 
Stuart Broad: That's what SHE said!



--
Sarcasmacus




Previous posts as "The daily Hypocrite":
June - Celebrity news
May - The single Bangalore girl
April - Metrocity

Sunday, 17 July 2011

No dumbass it ain't really sexual discrimination

Remember this pic that ran around on line sometime back?




I think people are grossly mistaken. The phenomenon of uneven reactions between girls and boys is not really sexual discrimination, but actually the way God has actually made us.Though both are constantly under a rose-painted illusion, they are very different illusions.

Let me demonstrate with the example of three attention whores (and I mean that in the most unoffensive way) - Guy, Girl 1 and Girl 2. [And if you are expecting me to narrate a love triangle, you are watching way too many hindi movies.]


Scene 1

Girl 1: Ooh la la...I'm femme fatale. I GOTTA upload this photo.

*Uploads photo*

Girl 2: OMG! She looks like a whore. What has she added like 200 kilos? But let me ego massage her, I need her to like MY pic later.

*Like*

*Girl 2 comments - Super like darling! Looking gorgeous. Luv you loads...muah muah :* :* *
*Girl 1 comments- Love you too sweet heart. Miss you hun. muah muah :* :* *

Guy (stalking in the sidelines): Huh! Fuckin lesbos!!



Horny guy (raps): Oh new picture by my crush #23. If I like her pic, she might totally fall for me.

*like*


*Horny guy comments - Hey, beautiful pic :) ♥  *
*Girl 1: Hey! Thank you sooo much*


Horny guy: Oh I'm good at this. I've got her hook, line and sinker!


Within 10 minutes 14 Girl 2 replicas and 17 Horny guy replicas have liked Girl 1's new pic.


Girl 1: I am THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL EVER!!!!!!!





10 minutes later, Girl 1 likes Girl 2's newly uploaded pic and process starts from the beginning.




--

 Scene 2

Guy: I look so sexy in this photo. Let me upload it.


*Uploads photo*

Girl 2: Hmmm, that's an okay looking photo. But I don't think I should like it, he will think I am too easy.


Girl 1: Hey that's a nice photo, let me like it.

*like*

Guy: SHE LOVES ME!!!!

Five years later, guy has ruined his life in pursuit of Girl 1 and has now taken up drinking cheap local rum bought from stolen money.



--

Gyan:

So you see guys, we think with our dicks. One of the reasons why the ugliest girls in my account gets 20 likes minimum on her profile pic while the most handsome guys get a maximum of 5. Next time you see that happening, don't cry out that it's discrimination. Its all for your own good. Its saving you from turning into a drunk!

That reminds me, I have to change my picture! Kav is in the frame and she is attracting way too many guys and I don't swing both ways.

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Count to ten..then start over

I am gonna make a rule..                                                                                                                                                          



Rule: Don't send messages, mails, comments, replies or write a blog when I am pissed.

I also followed the rule today. *Pats self on back*

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Test fail!


Absolutely shocked by the decision to draw the third test by India in the Caribbean. The number one test team in the world. They had to prove a point to their detractors that they deserved the place. They had to prove a point to England before their upcoming tour to the country, after all it was the English team that said they are the real number one.

Shameful. Very shameful. From a side which had 7 wickets in hand that included some WC winning players. Seems like test cricket is back to the dark ages of the drawn matches.