Thursday, 30 June 2011

The Daily Hypocrite #3 - Celebrity News

Ok so The Daily Hypocrite is back with our monthly. This time with some spice from the celebrity world.
                                                                           
                                                                      
                                                                  


Aarakshan production scrapped
There have been reports that the production of  Amitabh Bachchan's Aarakshan had been scrapped but actually the protagonist role is split and altered to two roles for the ramped up version.

The new version will have two female lead roles played by Mallika Sherawat and Jacqueline Fernandez (Because it's hard to find Indian women these days who are ready to play the anything-for-a-big-pay-check kinda roles) and so Aarakshan has now been renamed as "Erection".

I don't mean to boast, but come on, we all knew that sooner or later this change was gonna come up? Badoing!





Shah Rukh Sneezed
Now this may look like an article that was paid to be published by SRK himself but I swear on my left nut

(while sitting in my brand new Ferrari) that this not true and we at The Daily Hypocrite thought it was important enough to ruin your fine morning.

However, coming back to the news doing rounds, SRK sneezed while sitting on his commode today morning, it helped him finish up in just 2.5 seconds. A record in Bollywood. This proves hands down that he is the number one Khan in the industry and especially miles ahead of Salmaan Khan who is a wuss.

 Ra.One Rocks!! Death to all Salmaan fans.








Say no to 'Bollywood'
The angry young man of Hindi Cinema (by angry we mean old and by young we mean sick) Mr.Bachchan reckons that the Hindi film industry should not be referred to as 'Bollywood' since it was a mock name given to the industry after the then much established Hollywood.

So in other words he is saying that the industry is so old...it's losing wood! No pun intended.








Aamir gets busy
Aamir Khan is said to have gotten very busy these days. He spends a lot of time in a tiny dark room at his home. Kiran says he goes in there in the morning after breakfast and comes out only for dinner. We tried to catch up with him, but we got no response. After a lot of persistence, we got his publicist on the phone who said "He is busy cooking up a way to create a massive controversy for the eve of his release of Zakhmi which is due in 2012"

Finally it all made sense. I wonder why we didn't think of that.

"So far he has zeroed in on insulting some of the public figures or naming his pet donkey (from Dobhi Ghaat) after Akshay Kumar or Mr Silent Singh. Suggestions are welcome. Anybody whose suggestion is chosen gets to watch the screening of Zakhmi for free with his donkey."

That man Aamir is such a method actor. We love him. *sniff*








Arnie appears on Jerry Springer

Ahh so this is how it all happened. This secret episode airs next week, but this is how he broke the news.

*Jerry* *Jerry* *Jerry*
Jerry: Hello everyone welcome to today's show. Today we have here with us the Ex Guv of Calif, Arnold Schwarzenegger.


Crowd goes wild.


Arnie: Hi Jerry! Good to be here.


Jerry: Good to know that, so why are you here Arnie? What's going on?


*Crowd goes wild for no reason* ... *Then they suddenly become quiet when they realise Jerry hasn't cracked a joke yet*


Arnie: I've been cheating on my wife Maria, Jerry and I think I should come out to her.


Jerry (With a pretty good imitation): Come on do it.


* Out comes Maria *


Maria: What do you mean you are cheating on me?

Arnie: I have also fathered a son with her.


Maria: After all I did for you.


Arnie: Oh come on, I work hard all day, you just lie there! And these people are never gonna let me run for president anyway.


Maria: You never take care of the kids.


Arnie: The sex is not good.


Maria: How could you do this to our children?


Arnie: Give me another chance?


*Jerry interrupts *


Jerry: Whoa, not so fast, we won't have enough content for the show. So who did you cheat with?


Arnie: Oh this Mexican Hippo who used to clean my place.


Jerry: Whats her name?


Arnie: Lets just call her Baby Mama.


Jerry: Ok, lets meet Baby Mama, here she is.


* Crowd goes wild again*


Big Biiiiig woman walks in -Maria attacks Baby Mama - lots of hair pulling - dress pulling - wardrobe malfunctions - Arnie standing in the corner smoking a cigar - And Jerry intervenes...


Jerry: So, Baby Mama, you used to clean his place correct?

Baby Mama: Oh I cleaned more than that.


*Crowd goes wild*


Jerry: Fine, so do you love Arnie?


Baby Mama: Of course I do.


Arnie: But I don't love you. I love Maria.


Maria: But I don't love you.


Jerry: So you love him, and you love her, and she is pissed as hell? Your marriage has just been Terminated, you all go home alone. We will be right back ladies and Gentlemen.

-

Arnie Trivia for the readers..

Q) If Arnie was screwing around with a  black chick and fathered a son with her...?
A) ...the son would be called SchwarzeNIGGA!



--
Sarasmacus

8 comments:

Mohan said...

Babay Mama ... I'm guessing a few months ago, she was Lady Gaga !!! :P ...

Iceman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anusha said...

The Arnie stuff steals this post ! :D

Iceman said...

I think he has a very good chance for the White house now. :P

v said...

Haha....He probably sits in the potty all day long coming up with brilliant tasteless gross jokes for his movies. You'll know what I am talking once you watch delhi belly.

Iceman said...

Yes, I got your velvety joke despite having not watched the movie.

Mohan said...

Oh, yeah ... Baby, ofcourse ... I thought he was banging and going gaga ... Not like that, I get it, I get it ... :P :P ...

Iceman said...

Oh yeah! Baby mama got back.