Sunday, 14 August 2011

The epitome of maturity

That's me!
                                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                          

Alert: One friend has complained that I write more about my office lately and two have complained that my posts are very long to read. All three of them are certain to be disappointed with this post.

    
Ever since I moved to a new neighbourhood and at the same time moved to this city to start working, the sudden change in environment and the expectation of the general public that a 20+ guy must and should behave like a 20+ guy had put immense pressure on me. I could just not be myself any more.

Back in my old neighbourhood, or even in college, I didn't have to use the gate to get into the house, I could sing as loudly as possible (unless people came over with sticks and cricket bats to investigate if my dad was beating up my mum). I could shout all I want, anything I want.
Aaaaand most importantly I could hog on chocolates around my friends without being accused of behaving like a kid or worse..a girl.

In my new neighbourhood, I am that gentlemen who is in town only for the weekend, very well behaved, opens his mouth only to say "Hello auntiji/uncleji/thatha/ajji". Nice boy! Sweeet boy. (Someone put a silver bullet in my heart. Pronto.)


At office...PROFESSIONAL! *Ting*


As they say, you cannot cage a monster. In my case..the immaturity. And I found that out at the worst possible moment. Let us start from the beginning.

When I started working, my family had their doubts whether I would really get up before noon and head away to work when I was not under their supervision. I proved them wrong by being at office sharp on time, well before 9, spic and span.


But that was 1 and a half year ago. Today its a completely different scene. At 10 AM there is a very good chance that I will still be asleep. When I finally step into office, its 11 AM and I look like I have just gotten out of bed, my hair is all untidy and eyes half open. I notice some of them, say "Hi!" with just one eye open and stifle it with a careless yawn. I do notice my manager who is trying to make some eye contact so that I understand I am late, but I give him more than he bargained for by staring at him for about 40 seconds almost like asking "yeah....so what? So WHAT? Bite Me!!".

I'm telling you, I am very close to getting fired. The only reason they don't fire me is because they know that I AM working sincerely. Many days I work pretty long hours.


Well, enough was enough. Last Monday the manager wanted to give me a piece of his mind. Fortunately I was not the only issue in my team. The others though they came on time, they would take leaves whenever they wanted..and their 'seriousness' was in question because they failed to produce some documents or whatever. They organized a daily meeting of about 7 people. 1 manager, 3 seniors (including my lead) and 3 juniors (including me.) hoping that it would keep us in check.  This meeting was supposed to start from Monday, but as things turned out, I came to office at 12:30 PM while 2 of the guys were on leave.

So the meeting finally happened on Tuesday. When I entered the meeting room with my lead and 2 other seniors, the manager was already fuming thick whitish grey smoke through all his orifices. Despite realising that I was in for a severe blasting, I was unable to stay wide awake, so I immediately went and occupied the only chair in the room. After staring at me with disbelief for about a minute he enquired my lead about the other two "fellows". I assured him they would be in office in 5 minutes with a deep devilish smile.

First he gave a lecture about what he expects from the team. Second he turned to me and lectured about punctuality and how he expects me to come early and leave early or something like that. I had already decided I would not contest the argument and thus nodded at everything he said without a hint of rebellion.

I have been known to lash out at managers and also have an image of a guy who has problem with authority. So clearly taken aback with my calm response, he moved on to talk about the other 'fellows'. It had been 45 minutes and very close to 1PM and they were still not in office. Next 15 minutes were spent questioning their integrity, their commitment towards work blah blah blah..most of which did not register in my mind since I was busy thinking about the good time I had with some my friends last Sunday night at a uhh..coffee shop and how I loved listening to the good songs from Metallica and Cranberries(Which is worth a mention because of the co-incidence that follows). When I finally tuned into the discussion this is what I heard:


Manager(to lead): I ask you again, we can't you hold these guys responsible...what's in your head? What's in your head?

Long silence.

Iceman(very softly..with a tune): Zombie? Zombie? Zombie? Hey hey hey...du du du...

*An Irish blonde lady walks all over imagination holding a guitar*

Now 4 people just turn their heads towards me slowly. Apparently, it wasn't that soft.
Longer silence.


Iceman (Smiling) : What?
*Pause*
Whaaaat??


Manager (to lead in Total Tamil accent): Seriously, what's this guys problem daaaaa? I just don't understand him at all wonly daa.

*Another pause*


Manager (On the verge of a nervous breakdown) : I need a break. Lets end this meeting. We will meet tomorrow.

Its been 6 days. I still can't believe I did that.


The "daily" meeting never happened again.

11 comments:

rubs said...

oh u r so lucky!u just have to survive the daily scrum meeting but here u wud have had to suffer "THE DREADFUL DAILY SCRUM UPDATE", "THE FRIGHTENING FRIDAY BREAKFAST"(u have to be ontime for breakfast! sharp 9 else u r assumed to be fasting and will not be invited for lunch,tea etc crap team building "value added activities" as they call it),"THE THREATENING TEAM LUNCH" which happens almost everyday where people get on each other like they are age old rivals and ofcourse my favourite 1:1 meeting with manager every month where u can bitch about ur team mates ;)!!! I mean my manager is pretty nosy by default and these special occasions give him the oppurtunity to go the extra mile to humiliate us!bloody bugger!

Rashmi said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha...I am so proud of you :)
Cheers to rebellion self :)

Kavya said...

Did you actually sing it loud? :O

Kudos to you! :D :D

Iceman said...

@Rubs No no..I don't have to survive these meetings. Its the manager who has to.

Agreed your job sucks..but mine sucks more. Im not letting anyone take that away from me.


@Rashmi
Thats me! A rebel without a cause.


@Kav
Yes..not loud. But definitely not softly as I thought I was. Damn they were all looking at me like as if I was some sort of pot head all day.

chinmayi said...

lol ..well i am lucky to have a manager who himself comes once in a while to office :P

Iceman said...

Your office probably has WFH option.

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Iceman said...

Man..these bots are getting smarter..

mallika said...

You should have captured the picture of those 4 ppl when they turned towards u.. ;)

Kavya c said...

Maa da ladla bigad gaya ...

P.S :You will survive the big and bads of IT for years..

Iceman said...

@Mallika
Yeah right...do something stupid at work, get caught and then take a picture of the audience. Why don't you ask me to put in my papers?

@Kavya
That I will..as long as I stay here. :D I hope they survive me.