Sunday, 27 September 2015

Telugu blockbuster

I have decided to make a Telugu movie. I am sitting on choosing the category for the opening of the two halves.

Category one - Movie starts with the protaganist as a 9 year old. In a chaddi and a chequered half sleeves shirt. Then something bad happens. Cuts to actor's introductory scene.
I didn't chose the tapori life.


Category two - Movie starts with the introductory scene where nobody can make out why the protaganist is a dick head who beats rowdy looking guys to pulp. But don't worry flashback scene after interval will explain how something bad happened to him when he was just a kid, a 9 year old. In a chaddi and a chequered half sleeves shirt. And something bad happened.

Let's now abandon all reason and logic till I can be vindicated 20 fucking years later

Intro scene: Mahesh Sai Ram Charan Dharam Ravi Teja Nagendra Babooooooo, walks in and stands there for 12 minutes like a PR obsessed politician waiting for the camera to pan onto his face from 178 different angles, as the wind chooses to selectively blow onto only his hair and nothing else. He then slaps his thigh and the objects lying nearby settle into geosynchronous orbit.

Throw in a female actor somewhere thereabouts. Who, with her sense of dressing, oozes extremely high standards of maan, maryada and sushiltha. But don't be disappointed horn dogs, come a song sequence, we will spare her a few ounces of thread to cover censor board rules herself, as she prances around in nigh-zero locations, to tunes that don't matter, because skin.

The first half clearly has no connection to the beginning of the second half. In fact, the audience might leave the cinema hall if there are any. So keep the hauns coming.

However, there is a saving grace. Bramhanandam. Not his role, of course, just his acting prowess. Sadly you have to put up with seeing him humiliated through most of the movie by the protaganist or the villain.
Single handedly saving your asses

Last integral part - The larger-than-life-but-only-till-the-movie-climax villain. He smirks all through the movie like he just soiled his underwear and liked it.
I have greyed symmetrically and it reminds me of my skid marks.

But hold on you highly opinionated, forever pissed, sex deprived, schadenfreudian, open letter writing people with internet connections. I have already sensed the vibes of the audience and they are gonna buy none of your bat shit outrage.

Now leave me alone for a while, I will go try to fit a script in there somewhere.