Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Resolutions for 2009

8 simple rules
(It's also one of my favourite TV shows ;) to ring out the old and ring into the new in Style!
*Wake up early.

*I will talk less.

*I will eat healthy, drink healthy. I will set my body clock right.

*I will improve my concentration and focus, so that I can work harder at whatever I do.

*I will stay away from the net (Does NOT include Insanity Unlimited!!!).

*I will follow a routine, and still ensure, my life does NOT get uninteresting.

*I will become a much better human being.(Boring resolution, but honest resolution)

To sum it all up in one resolution, I won't be such a looser! But, then I will still be same old Insane Iceman...if anybody cares!

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Things I learnt this year - '08

Another year flashing past, but it has been a year of amazing highs and heartbreaking lows - on a personal note of course.

Best moments - Getting back on the stage after the long exile. Small, but a stage nevertheless. In a whole new avataar.

Worst moments - My 5th sem results. Turned everything topsy turvy.

Good people - My circle of friends

Bad people - The terrorists.

There are a lot of things I learnt and hard-wired into myself this year, things that I just can't forget.

-I learnt to live a little

-I learnt to love a little

-More importantly I learnt to let go.

-I learnt that I can trust a few people with everything that I have. Terms and Conditions apply.

-I learnt that happiness doesn't always grow, sorrow doesn't always diminish, upon sharing.

-A thousand people may ridicule your jokes, because they love doing that, but it might be lighting up somebody's day. That alone, surpasses the thousand people in itself.

-Once you sell your soul to the devil, you can never buy it back

-Yes the world is an unfair place. I was wrong to say I can play a part in fixing it and yet I am not giving up.

-I got the full taste of cunning as well as the loyal.

-I learnt that I was right when I said, Insanity is the way to be!

I also found out that, like every year, black dots and coloured flowers decorated my journey further into the mysterious unknown.

Sunday, 28 December 2008

What kind of a friend are you!!

Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back.

"You can go," said the Lieutenant, "but don't think it will be worth it .Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away."

The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway.
Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench.
The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend.
" I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded."
"It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier.
"What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant."Your friend is
"Yes Sir," the soldier answered, "but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I
had the satisfaction of hearing him say.......

" Man...I knew you would come ! "

Monday, 22 December 2008

Me, Myself and the voice inside my head

I am done for the day, tired of "studying" "so much" and I am lying on my bed all set for my "much deserved" rest.
I feel like a fool sitting BANG in the middle of Salt Lake stadium with all its lights on, thnx to the new street lights, outside my window!You can see me sitting right there in the middle

As I am lying there since I am not feeling sleepy, I begin to think...

" I want to achieve something in life. I want to leave a mark wherever I go, whatever field I am in. I want to be an inspiration to millions of people someday. I want to change the way people think, whether its about me or whether the way they look at their own life.

One day, I will be a great person. Someone who will be an inseparable part of the history books in the future..."

Suddenly the voice inside my head goes:

" Oh CRAP!"

Quite taken aback to -The voice's , two word reply to my 100 word heart-felt confession, I decide to just lie there, looking outside, into the silence, broken only by Pluto's scratching or running or hunting for the friendly neighbourhood bandicoots...suddenly, something else breaks the silence! Its the sound of a bullfrog. Yes!!! its my bullfrog. Its croaking..where is it? where it? Where is the god damned...PHONE? (Yeah its got a bullfrog ring tone - Kritika's favourite :P) I am delighted to know that somebody is thinking of me at this hour (11pm) and I find out it's P-Man's message it says:

"The sun has tired down,
The moon is looking over and smiling, Who says the day is over?
For all engineering students the day has just begun! So start studying..

I think...

" This guy is sitting down to study and I am already in bed....Where am I going with life? Where? Where? "

and the voice in my head goes..

" LIFE???? WHAT life????? "

What the hell? I already have a twin soul and it feels like I am in a crowd even when I am alone. And then, there is the voice! Sheesh!


Sunday, 21 December 2008


Should you feel you should reach out and make contact with my planet!
I am an ultra social alien-


Orkut Profile: - Add me
Ahh, every living soul seems to have an orkut profile!

Facebook:- Add me
So that we bother each other with our quiz results. Why else?


Yahoo Messenger: (You have to add the whole thing -ymail included)
They call me "Old faithful" at Y! Messenger :D - The smileys, audis, IMvs and everything!
Gtalk ID: insanityunltd <~a.t~>
Gtalk is a bit bland and boring, but the non-tech savvy people hang out at gtalk. Hey I can adjust :P

Email: insanityunltd <~a.t~>
I hate spam!

Follow me on Twitter:
This thing called micro-blogging catching up and my profile there has been lyin unused for quite a while now!

Social networks:

SMS Group
For some of who haven't noticed the side bar or simply just don't know.
I have my own SMS group where I send 7 (original- ok fine semi-original) jokes and 1 riddle each day.
Only for people without a Humour Handicap.
To join
to 567678

This is something I have debated long and hard with my twin soul and some buddies!
Finally an attempt to reach out to the sane kind!

Saturday, 20 December 2008

My exams - now available in stereotype!

Ahh Exams...such lovely lovely exams!
And they come once every f**kin 6 months.
In between there are 3 lovely lovely internals. Oh that's only the theory part. There are 4 lab internals too.

So how do I prepare for my exams? Is it a mystery to my friends? I understand my hourly reports look like I'm fakin it.

20 hours to exam - "Dude I gotta start - you? "

15 hours to exam - "Dude I gotta start - you? "

12 hours to exam - "Dude I gotta start - you? "

11 hours to exam -
"Dude You wont believe it, I just started, and all this looks so frikkin dumb man, like, I wish I had done this days ago, I finished the entire first chapter in just , like , 1 hour or so "

Person at the other end " Dude, that chapter is not in syllabus "


Yeah, I know, these always look fake! But do you still have a doubt after lookin at my aggregates?

Now lets get back to HOW I prepare.

Sooner or later , ok later (really really later), the harsh reality hits me that study holidays are meant for us to STUDY! The terrible shadow of exams is cast on everyone - EVEN ME!
Whyyy?? WHY ME???

I get my list of "Friends-with-brains" Which includes almost everyone I know (*Ahem*), and get some of them online. Usually its Nush.

Nush(whose nick rhymes with Shush) gets into " Mission:Save Iceman's butt! " mode and begins to mark out what I must study!

Selected topicsu we call it!

The selected topics that everybody give are usually the same, with Nush usually marking about say 50 marks worth more -Only!


1)We have selected topics
2)I sit down and mark the select topics from the select topics
3) I plan how much I need to cover among my select-select-topics
4)Everything is set - Lets play Counter Strike!!
5)You know what, I get bored of playing computer games after like just 4 hours so I shut down the game and finally finally, I decide to do that thing that I have been putting away for that movie!

Ok you get the picture..though I HAVE scaled things down for you!

10 hours to exam:
I run to Pradeep's room and fall to his feet and cry like a baby!
He picks me up,wipes my tears and selects some select topics from the topics which I had selected from Nush's selected topics.
I sit there for an hour and study those.

The exams -
Firstly, its pretty much like how I explained how my internals are...with minor changes!
Though I am surprised to say this, I am slightly better prepared for exams!

I know the first few answers, so I begin!
After half an hour or so, I have answered 6 marks worth and I cant seem to remember anything beyond that!
I look ahead, Dee has raced off to the 3rd questions my heart starts beating!
The guys after me are frantically discussing something usually! I cant make head or tail out of it either!
Half way through the exam, people begin to realise I am sitting still and my eyes are wandering around the exam wondering HOW ON THE BLOODY EARTH THESE PEOPLE STUDY?
What can they possibly know that they can write for THREE WHOLE HOURS?
Machines I tell you! Machines made by society...nothing else!

After staring at the question paper for atleast another hour and reaching and groping into the deepest trenches of my messed up mind, I remember that I actually - miraculously - know the answer to one of the questions. I dunno how...but THANK YOU LORD!

I write and I write like my life depended on it(With neat handwriting) -

The 8 key areas of success as listed by Peteer Drucker are..
فارسی‎ سؤولفارسی و از دید حیثیت و حقوق با هم برابرند, همه دارای اندیشه و وجدان می‌باشند و باید دربرابر همه‌ی افراد بشر آزاد به برادری رفتار کنندفارسی‎ سؤولفارسی و از و حقوق با هم برابرند, همه دارای اندیشه و وجدان می‌باشند و باید دربرابر همه‌ی افراد بشر آزاد به دنیا می‌آیندیکدیگر با روح برادری رفتار کنندفارسی‎ سؤولفارسی و از و وجدان می‌باشند و باید دربرابر همه‌ی افراد بشر آزاد با روح برادری رفتار کنندفارسی‎ سؤولفارسی و از دید حقوق با هم برابرند, همه دارای اندیشه و وجدان می‌باشند و باید دربرابر همه‌ی افراد بشر آزاد به دنیا می‌آیندیکدیگر با روح برادری رفتار کنندفارسی‎ سؤولفارسی و از دید حیثیت و حقوق با هم برابرند, همه دارای
اندیشه و وجدان می‌باشند و باید دربرابر همه‌ی افراد بشر آزاد به دنیا می‌آیندیکدیگر با روح برادری رفتار کنند

But every now and then I get the feeling that me and my evaluator don't meet eye-to-eye with my answers! I guess its just one of those feelings that are not true - after all, I have written what was in the text books right? RIGHT?

And ofcourse usually you can catch me shouting
Oustide! After the exam...followed by cries of "Oh come on!" .. "Hey put a sock in it"
Some people even bash me up and kick me to stop me from saying that!

You know what the worst part is?

Its not doing the exams badly...its having to listen to people who whine and cry about how bad they are at studies when they are not even half as pathetic as me. It makes me feel doubly useless!

Amazingly I pass many subjects and just barely - mind you. But 80% of the credit goes to other people.
20% of the effort is mine. My BE is still far away, and so are the credits!

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Things to Consider before declaring against India

10 simple things -
->Number of overs left

The background of the following picture says its all...

Viru - " Come get some "

Monday, 15 December 2008

The curse of the street lights

It's night already and I am getting ready to go to bed after a tiring day. I haven't played any cricket, nor have I done any physical work as such. But, dad is now like a bot that's gone rogue. You are never too cautious with him.

I ready the mosquito nets and setup the laptop and every other gadget I use, like I do every night before callin' it. I switch off the lights and notice the bed is more lit up now than it has been all these 5 years of my stay in this house. It's because of a new street light, the KEB* installed RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW!

*KEB - Those who changed their names so many times(MESCOM/CHESCOM/ASSCOM) that I lost track what they are called now -- they never changed the sh!tty way they function.

Why I am sounding frustrated with that? That is because I can't sleep with even a wee bit of light shining on my face.
In fact I used to be kept awake because of a street light 2 streets away, which I see while lying on my bed. When I found out the problem, I grew cactuses and other plants outside the window. It didn't work out. Later used old notebook cardboards right in front of my face on the window to block the street light. But my best friend Pluto couldn't resist putting in his nose every night to try and wake me up, and later put in his paw to try and scratch me awake, ultimately dropping the cardboard into the narrow slit between the bed and the wall. Unfortunately it took him a whole year to realise that putting his paw in was never going to get me to getup and play with him.

Now I just close the bottom window sill. Slightly more suffocating...but 8 hours of sleep well earned! Provided, I sleep 8 hours, which is another important story of my life - for another post(Remind me).

The govt and its bodies, as I realise, works only efficiently when it causes more damage than help! I heard the "purpose" of this new ultra bright sodium lamp, which was made by the "Keep Iceman Awake" company, was to keep away drug addicts/over-enthusiastic couples and petty thieves from our neighbourhood!

Curse of the dreaded street light - back to haunt my nights.
You would know the gravity of this post if you knew the gravity of missing sleep!

Saturday, 13 December 2008

How to survive a Thriller movie? (Tutorial)

It was only a matter of time before the ultimate movie freak dished out a detail step-by-step survival guide for a horror/thriller movie!

Teaser : - " It could happen to you. In REAL. Who says its just in the movies? What if its closer to you than you think? What if your date with your grave is fixed? ahhhh!!!! "

This is not the guide to watch a scary movie and survive without an attack, but more so - survive if you are LIVING in an actual horror/thriller!
Wow! "Why would I need that? " I hear my reader ask. "What are the chances that will happen to me? " you say. Trust me my friend (or casual visitor who is not coming back to this site-ever!), horror movies are just commercial versions of real life incidents. Slightly more dramatised and over-the-top sound effects. Not to mention the girls who shout through their lungs throughout the movie!

Ok fine, all I said was crap, you will never live a horror movie, but no harm in being prepared right? Let's begin.

When do you know you are living in a scary/horror?

You are a teen/school/college kid:
Old people are for some reason not of huge interest to psycho killers. I have no idea why. They like going after young college people who are easier to kill(read: Dickheads).

My group-best group:
The average IQ of your group is just as much as half the cost of the items in the 99 cents store. If you couldn't compute how much that was, your group is fit for the stereotypical killer!

The Bad Omen:
In the very very beginning of your very own horror/thriller (Notice how I circulate the words scary-horror-thriller along this tutorial?), there is always a bad omen! Bad omen's are the things that actually make you go "Whoooaw...dude!! Like that was totally something man, did that really happen?? Whoooaw! "
For ex:
1)Somebody in your college dies! AND IT AIN'T YOU! Not even related to you.
2)You spot a snake or scorpion or something in your backyard/room/toilet and a macho dude(s) kills it and saves the day! Yay! People are disturbed.

Chicks and the scream quotient:
There are chicks. There are always chicks. It works even if there are only chicks(I wanna watch that movie), but never with only boys(Who would wanna watch that?).
It adds to the 'Ahhhhhhhhh hellllp -Factor ' . So if there are a lot of chicks running around...things are looking set.

More the scarier:
" Sorry bad photosop skills"
Now that there are so many people around you on the run up to your need a reason right? It's usually like a-
Sleep over
Big booze party(A dumb guy and his money can throw one helluva party)
Camping trip
In essense - Further you are from help(police/people) , the closer you get to your scary movie.

No infrastructure:
Wherever you are gone now, the infrastructure is a mess. No Power. No water. Shortage of food.No Phone line.
"OMG whats the number to 100? oh forget it the telephone is dead! "

The "hilarious" trick:
"Oh help! Help! My hand is stuck in the blender...I AM GONNA DIE!!!!! I'm not, haha got you...I am so funny!"

The big scare:
Your movie has an audience. Or imagine you do. Now just check whether anything thats happening around ya is making them jump. Y'know...keeping 'em on the edge-0-their seats?

For example:
You are enjoying doing something you do every single day of your incredibly uneventful lives but todays something is very unusual and curious about the thing.

*Imaginary music in your ears: dum-da-dum...da-dum...da-dum.. *

Every thing about it is mysterious. Its your 6th sense working. No, not really its just the sound of the dry leaves just behind you. Somebody is there. Probably with a big big knife waiting to hack off a part of your body and leave you a bloody mess. Contrary to natural human instinct to back off and get cautious you show complete heroics and bravely move forward. You even shout "Who is there? This is not funny! "

*Music gets louder and more eerie *
Suddenly the person jumps from the behind the bush - you close your eyes and shout at back of your mind "Make it quick and painful PLEEEEASE!! "

But nothing open your eyes..and its just a harmless squirrel, nibbling on your nuts (Peanuts - Which you conveniently dropped moments ago - instead of eating!)

" RUN its a Blood-thirsty Super-dangerous baby Psycho-Squirrel RUNNN for your #uckin lives"

Ok, now that we know whether you are in mortal danger or not...lets proceed with the core of the tutorial.

Order of death!
Killers are psychos but organised neverthless..

1)The funny/black guy always dies first!
Nice guys finish last? Not in horror movies. Definitely not this guy!

There is no doubt about this one. The funny/black guy goes first. If you are funny, you better better be the killer for your own sake! (Not that I am not gonna die with laughter.)

If there are no blacks around, there must be some other guy from a minority that your country shows complete ignorance towards? Yeah? Rrrright. That's him. He's just gotta go man. After he was just in the movie to prove to people that the producers were not ignorant about the existence of his people. Now that he has served the purpose, he is useless.

You ain't this person? Then you shouldn't be anywhere around them either.

However if you are just as funny as the kinda guy in the picture better stay away from me too, in case you ever run into me!

2)The horny couple
I'm done with the clowns - next stop Crash the mile-high aircraft!
9 out of 10 times, your horror movie has a horny couple in it!

A Horny couple

They are on the A-list of the killer's - "People to kill". Most suitable moment is when they sneak off from the rest of the group of boys and girls who are amazingly low on libido despite their youthful age and all sorts of trash talk which seem to have been flicked straight out of a teen movie!
So does he/she (The killer) finish off the couple when they are doing their thing? Naah..that's not fun! The killer, who is obviously psycho will wait (and 99 out of 100 times watch) in the dark until the action runs out!

Once they are done, one of them always go out of the scene(probably to "freshen up" or "ease themselves") and as you will later realise, never to return again. Most of the times, its the guy who dies first, because the girl has to come in search of him and then trip over his dead body in a bloody mess!

So what's the point?
If all signs say you are in a thriller - Don't go gung-ho! Or else the #ucker becomes the #uckee!

3)That guy is such an angel...and oh how funny I should say that, cause he is dead!
There is a guy(/gal) who just seems to be sooo angelish! If anybody should survive this movie, it should be him(/her - fine I'll just say him, the Women's Welfare NGOs can assume a 'her'). He is not funny. He is not nice. But he is an angel. Nobody has a problem with him. Everybody is in praise of this bloke.
Well....He has "Kill me bloody" written all over him!

" Why god why him? "
"Pleased to meet you Mr.Killer, come join me and my stupid friends for a hot cup of coff...OUCH!! A simple 'NO' would have been enough"

Point: Don't be an angel. Don't be around angels!

4)Jack and Jill went up the hill..but nobody came down!

Its the rest of the group now. sparks between Jack and Jill up the hill. Big chance they are dead! Especially if the lack of chemistry between Jack and Jill was shouting out to everybody around.

People keep going out for one reason or another...nobody is coming back. Unless you were a complete dipshit at math in school, you realise pretty fast that the number of stupid young kids in your vicinity has drastically gone down!

I suggest this the time you stop worrying about the order of death and start worrying about saving your butt! How? Read on..

I am not a NSG Commando but does it take one to tell you to find a weapon to defend yourself wise-ass?

The killer has his own array of weapons. He/she finds anything in the scene...axe/knife/spade/pencil

You better pick up your own too..axe/knife/spade....pencil! And keep switching weapons for a better one. Ideally, hide the one you wanna dispose off.(So that the killer cant find it numbskull)

Say you have a banana, a knife and a bazooka lying on the table in front of you, DON'T SELECT THE BANANA!
" Where have I heard that joke before? "

If you do, there ain't no thriller that's gonna be made outta your story...

As safe as a straight guy in a gay lounge:

Ok, you ain't as brave as you pretend to be.
Who am I kidding you are a complete wuss!
You are screaming the sh!t outta your butt and running like mad for cover from the killer, because you just saw the dead ass of your best friend lying in the bathroom you just went to pee in. You are so smart that you just know that the killer is behind you...maybe still in the bathroom. Somewhere there!
You run into that garage that is thank-the-lord quite close by. You lock yourself from inside.
1)You bolt it
2)Use the key to lock it
3)Use a rope to tie it to the knob and then tie the other end hell-tightly to the beam that supports the roof with a sailors knot - which God knows where you learnt!
4)You pull that heavy dining table and place it behind the door.
5)You push the refrigerator and let it fall slantly onto the dining table so that it pushes against the door with all its weight!

HAHA, you are so smart...there is no way that killer is gonna get in....

Unless he is already inside....??
Point: Overkill - BAD!!!

When is the best to time to escape?
Say you are hiding behind a curtain, now that the killer has obviously come after you. S/he doesn't know where you at! Still searching for you. While you wait in your safe little hiding spot for help to arrive,which in an ideal thriller, will NOT. So, obviously you shouldn't really be hiding all day(all night - to be accurate). You hafta look for your moment to scram.

Well..duh?...innit obvious? The killer is also human man. Before you think I am getting very emotional...lemme add that I am talking about the killer's bladder!

Even movie character's gotta use the bathroom...though they don't show it in the movie.
" Hey..Ya gotta go when ya gotta go "

That includes psycho killers. So now you know that sitting behing that blind for 8 hours isn't worth all that hide-and-seek!

Last and the most important point to remember:
Psycho killers are amazingly bad runners. Trust me on this. They Just-can't-R-U-N-N-N!!! If there is any saving grace...they are your legs(and I still mean - use them to run).


Well, thats about it. If you follow everything on this tutorial you will live to see another day.
But most probably, your life is still the same. People still don't know that you are alive(Just like before). Unless you show your gratitude to this tutorial in the form of a comment after your ordeal!

All the best!

Thursday, 11 December 2008

Small rider on the last post!

Don't you now take things literally when I am joking! Or when there is a potshot article on the blog...If I have to explain that now, its gonna be a tough job! ;)

The last thing I want now is people jumping at me taking everything literally and then casually referring to the last post!

for ex: I really don't want a big blue whale as a girlfriend!

The easiest thing would be to take the more positive side of it - cause that's usually what I mean! In fact it is said that a person takes the negative/positive side of any statement depending upon his/her own mentality and I am not just talking about optimism. Take that smart ass, HAHA!

for ex: I say "oh that guy is complete a$$hole"
I mean - The guy is a complete a$$hole!
I don't mean - I hate him/ I would like to kill him / He is my enemy

"I'm so misunderstood" (singing - not crying...BAH!)
Save me Jeebus!

Monday, 8 December 2008

So what am I trying to say?

Have you ever had this frustrating time when people try to find a different meaning within what you are trying to say? too...LIKE EVERY DUCKING TIME I WANNA SAY SOMETHING!

Most of you might have noticed that one of my last posts - "Do you have it in you?" has been deleted. My apologies to the people who read and/or commented, but I didn't want it on my blog anymore.
It was a simple post aimed at bragging about my non-existent fitness. Obviously, having been called a fitness freak during my 11th and 12th (I wonder if it was because of the 1 KM Swim and 21 KMs of cycling a day - Not sure), it gave me great pleasure to write something like that.
But unfortunately, yet again, it took a new meaning and turned into a Sympathy Special.
Gimme a break! Can't a man brag a little?

Other such incidents:
Q)You get a lot of forwards I guess? your phone doesn't stop ringing...
A)Oh you want me to send you some?

Q)My-ex girlfriend is so fat..
A)Are you saying you want a thin gf?
(No I said I want a big blue whale for a obese Blue whale)

I was curious to see how people regarded the group messages, as forwardable or not, so I ask...
Q)Do you forward my group messages to other people?
A)(Most common answer) do you want me to forward them?

Q)(Quip) Writing the movie names in all uppercase is a grammatical error :P
A)(Rubs) Oh you won't gimme the movies?

Q)My Ex-gf is so fat..(another one)
A)Are you saying you are Mr.Hunk?
(Will you let the God forsaken man crack his God forsaken joke?)

Q)I feel like cycling to college everyday, its a good exer...
A)Are you saying you can't afford for the gas?
(No..if I was saying that - then you would have heard it as...well...I CAN'T AFFORD THE GAS!)


Addition ;)
Q)Oh good I am not in the picture(because I don't like pictures)
A) Awww don't be so sad...

:O :O :O???


Harmless but still I-am-so-frustrated-I-wanna-jump-off-the roof sort of circumstances!

I am hoping you have got the point!
When I am saying I am means I am sitting! Unless ofcourse, I said standing and in which case you might have guessed, I will be standing(Beginning to get the drift? Good! Stick with me).
I will not be trying to say anything other than what those words suggest in the normal-people's standard english dictionary and what normal peoples grammar/literature etc,. would suggest!

The accuracy is regretted!

Friday, 5 December 2008

...and still the pride shines through the darkness

You can kill a man in India, but you can never kill the Indian in him!

Monday, 1 December 2008