Saturday, 31 January 2009

End of the horrifying hiatus

" Hey, have you noticed? He ain't blogged for a few days "

" Yeah, where is he? "

" I think he is dead. "

" Oh that's sad na?....So, who is hungry? Let's go grab some grub "

" Actually I think he might have had an accident or something "

" Oh yeah, someone told me he fell and broke a leg? "

" I thought it was something about a snake "

" Hmmm, what if he is dead? "

" Won't that be a dead blogger and sh!t like that "

" Yeah totally...we can spread rumours like this blog is haunted and will be so awesome! "

" Heehee...You are the master when it comes to these things. Maybe we could also.."

I don't know/couldn't see who were speaking, but immediately I woke up. Every dream they say has a meaning - no matter how weird or silly it is, I understood what my dream meant and immediately got online...

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

When will I be impressed with Obama?

You can read the title in any way you want, but what you MUST understand is that I mean 'I as an Indian'. And what it means is When we SHOULD be impressed.

Before I tell you about Obama, let us briefly talk (Fine, I'll talk you listen) about the great 'Western influence'

America is not a great nation because the Americans are superior to us. There is no demarcation to where intelligence ends and stupidity begins. It is just the way we accept things. In India, an intelligent man rarely gets to use his intelligence in the area he wishes to.
A Doctor always marries another Doctor, their son/daughter HAS to become a doctor and eventually HAS to marry a Doctor. Then they are expected to lead their pathetically doctored lives cheating poor sick people who make the mistake of visiting their clinic. A trend thats unbecoming of the field. Sooner or later, people will loose the respect for people in this profession. Let us be fair, this not something stuck to Doctors.
How can we expect to beat the west with such a closed mentality?

A Poor American kid who wants to write codes and stuff turns into the richest man in the world. Because his dream was accepted and kid was left alone to do what he thought he could do.

The only way the west influenced us was
-In the way the youngsters learnt that dating is cool because FRIENDS said so.
-Smoking pot / smoking / drinking is ok - People who do that are awesome - Hey the Yankees do it.
-Sex before marriage is ok. "Indian woman is now liberated" (why? because of sex - NOT because the Indian woman can now earn as much as the man and still bring up a normal child). Ironically it took the Americans to teach India - the land of Kamasutra.
-Kissing is OK in Hindi Cinema - why? Because it's ok in the western movies. It's just not ok in our culture, but who is paying attention to that anyway?

It's not really an influence, its an influenza!
You get the point? No? I can play this violin a little harder if you didnt hear that..? Ok...
(These are not opinions, but facts as you are well aware. Opinion is when I would say that dating is bad. But I haven't said that have I? Im keeping mum )

Coming to Obama.

Today I saw people's messages during Obama's Swearing in.
This News channel (If they still call them that) was airing messages of people who were "sending" their heart felt messages to Obama (Because he so cares what the Indian Public thinks).

Some messages:
I know Obama will change the world I know it.
Obama has created history. He has inspired me. (Just by winning the elections...what about the 4 years to go?)
Obama is the best leader we (we?) ever had!

how many of you know who our President is?
Lemme guess , 80% of you stopped for a moment to think up the answer?
And almost all of you are probably saying - The President is not very significant in our nation. Alright.

How many people cared to wish Our Prime Minister when he took Oath of office?
How many channels ever did air messages to the PM?
How many of you cared to watch the ceremony? (Yes I did)

Manmohan Singh might have a lousy office etc,. but as a Human Being he is probably way better than Obama. Then why is there more hysteria related to Obama.
India is major world power. Soon to be Super power of the world. But not, if we continue to have it our way.

If you have still not understood what I am trying to say, let me tell you, you will not understand the rest of this either. You can either read this completely and say
"What on earth has he written? WASTE"
or you can just close this page and go search for something else on the net.

When did Obama's campaign for American presidency start?
With all due respect, it started when his Black dad married his White mom and a mixed race son was born.
Would he have won if he was not a black man? (I have no doubt about his abilities as a leader. But you gotta ask that question)
After all, it's the home of electile dysfunction!

So, what counts is what he will do in the next four years at the helm of powers controlling the world's only super power.
So, When will I be impressed with Obama?

-He keeps to his word. The Manifest et al,. (Since its got so much to do with World Policies)

-He says, our energy consumption is a threat to the planet. Are you gonna just say that and mean that or will you really Go Green?
( Speaking of green - did you read about the Falling Ice shelves? Click here )

-What happens to the African countries (His Great Gran lives in Kenya). Will America, the richest nation in the world (Not for long) atleast now help them?

-Black people are people.

-Does, "Ties with India" mean "Ties with an Asian nation" or does it mean "World peace"?

The message is clear and simple. If you are a mature individual you are yet to be impressed.

All the Best to Obama.

All the best to Mankind.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Idiots, Cuckooos & Crackpots (ICC)

Honestly I am sick and tired of listening to it. When the country should be worried about terrorists and about wars with the Pakis (If we got the balls - or else we can always resort to 'Bi-lateral' talks which has worked so well so far), the news channels can't stop talking about the exclusion about Sachin from the All time Top 20 greats.

We know he is good, who cares if he is on some dumass list of a dumass cricket organisation or not?

You know what's more crap than that? Their procedure to calculate the so called "All-time greats"! It's gotta do something with some one series or something like that - spare me the details!

Hey look the Don is at the Top, my-O-my am I surprised, must be his lucky day!!

But I was definitely not surprised to see Mike Hussey (at number 18) on the list! uh-uh..not surprised at all!

1 Don Bradman (AUS) 961 v India
2 Len Hutton (ENG) 945 v West Indies
3 Jack Hobbs (ENG) 942 v Australia
4 Ricky Ponting (AUS) 942 v England
5 Peter May (ENG) 941 v Australia
6 Clyde Walcott (WI) 938 v Australia
7 Viv Richards (WI) 938 v England
8 Garry Sobers (WI) 938 v India
9 Kumar Sangakkara (SL) 938 v England
10 Matthew Hayden (AUS) 935 v England
11 Jacques Kallis (SA) 935 v New Zealand
12 Mohammad Yousuf (PAK)933 v West Indies
13 Graeme Pollock (SA) 927 v Australia
14 Everton Weekes (WI) 927 v New Zealand
15 Dudley Nourse (SA) 922 v England
16 Doug Walters (AUS) 922 v South Africa
17 Neil Harvey (AUS) 921 v South Africa
18 Michael Hussey (AUS) 921 v West Indies
19 Denis Compton (ENG) 917 v Australia
20 Sunil Gavaskar (IND) 916 v England

Well, I got no clue what all this is about..but looks like we will be seeing a lot of blogs about this one!(Definitely not anymore here)!

I'm looking forward to something more like "20 more terrorist butts fried today"
And before any of you ethical-peaceful beings go on a morcha in front of my house, let me add, I'm no war fanatic. Saying anything more will just be another debate, buts for another blog!

Oh where were we? yeah ok... ICC sucks!

Thursday, 8 January 2009

Single and what a bungle!

Putting an end to all the murmur related to the seemingly arrogant last post, I write now to tell my tale of woe.

Speaking about the last post, those who read that post should also read this one -
I hope the matter is resolved at that.

Now coming to my tale of woe-

How many ways can a person's love life suck?

1) You are single and you are desperate to have a girlfriend/boyfriend.

2)You already have a girlfriend or boyfriend but your parents are against it.

Maybe a weird 3rd kind where..

3)You have a special someone, your parents agree, but you are not sure about this person yourself and its ruining your sleep.

These are the only ways?

First of all, I don't belong to the first category.
That is, yes ofcourse I am single, but I am not much interested.
That means, the 3rd category is ruled out.
Coming to the second category, my parents are quite cool, they would never have a problem with the girl I bring home one fine day.

"Then whats your bloody problem dude? Get to the point quick!"

ok ok..Despite these well ironed facts of my insane life, it's sad to say my love life still sucks. I'll say that again..

I belong to a new 4th way to have your love life suck. You need a bit of history before going into this article..

My mum and sometimes my dad couldn't stop asking me in my adolescent years if I liked any girl.

Pointing at a couple in the bus stand-
" When do I see you with a girl like that.."

Or just like that-
" Do you have feelings for any chick? It's ok tell me I'm ya mum, you can tell me anything "


Either they doubted my manhood or just plainly doubted if I was really straight or not. Perhaps something fuelled by the hordes of articles on those sh!tty magazines:

Is your child gay?
An indept analysis on changing trends and how to spot the symptoms in your family

Ok, Jokes apart, my folks are just too bold and I don't know whether to appreciate that or roll on the floor and cry.

Conveniently for me and my overt sense of sometimes-unnecessary honesty, mum stopped asking me if I had feelings for someone- about two years ago. What a relief and what a timing.

(One of these days I am gonna come up with my list of crushes, but then if I do that, it will be one of the boldest posts ever.

Two years, I have lived with that coming up only in my "Stories to tell my friends" segment of my daily street talk show which follows the cricket matches. Few days back, I got the big bomb.

I was sitting and working(I like to use that word - working, especially when I am playing Counter Strike) on my laptop when mum takes a seat on my bed and calmly says..

" I know you have a girlfriend "

Almost falling off my chair I pulled out my headphones, dusted my ears. I thought I heard her say "I know you have a girlfriend" or maybe the mixture of sounds of gunfire and grenades mixed with mum's words made me hear things.

" You said something? "

" It's ok, quit playin, I know you got one "


"Bring her home na, I wanna see her"


"Your girlfriend, bring her home, she is YOUR gf, she has gotta be nice"


"Ahh so shy...I can come with you to meet her if you want, I will even gift her something"

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Can you stop it? Whats wrong with you? "

" I found out yesterday. I know I know I know"

Now, my mind started running, what is she talking about? Is she talking about Priya? Did someone tell her something? What can possibly make her think that?

"What are you talking about?"

"Why can't you just tell me, you can tell me"

"Maa you think I can have a girlfriend?"

"Why not?"

Sensing this was not gonna get over soon, I sarcastically tried to put an end to this insanity-

"Ok, I'll bring her in a few weeks"


"Soon enough"

"Don't give your sarcasm to your own mother. I can see right through you..huh"

To cut the rest of the story short, she still doesnt believe in me(It's been 4-5 days).
The fact is, every second guy/gal who comes to visit me are involved (has a gf/bf) and to my luck, they are all very open about it with my mum.

They all accept that they have problems revealing this to their own parents but feel very free to talk about it with my folks!
Mr.DD who wanted my mum to help him pick out Gold Jewellery that he wanted to gift his girlfriend for Valentines day!

I saw that all this is coming from that!
" If they are hiding it from their parents, he is too! "

Now you see why my love life sucks?
-I am single
-My mum reminds me of my status 12 times a day
-I have to bear being called a liar
-And of course, you will laugh at my condition now!

What a bungle!

Why god why me???

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Hi, I don't care. Thnx!

For every single person who has a problem with stuff about me or around me or whatever the hell you think you wanna have a problem with.

"Look at your cell"

"Stop eating like that"

"Stop calling him/her that"

"Stop saying that word"

" You bloody blood sucking insensitive freak. Why can't you just understand my feelings and behave a little more softly, tenderly with love and affection with a little more care and devotion hoo "

"Stop writing like that on your blog "

"Your bike makes so much noise"

"I hate your mouse"

and a host of other complaints, ridicules, insults etc,.

I had a little incident which gave me a little idea to help all you people deal with those complaints. Since I don't really have a public relations manager to cater to your jabs, I want you all to do me a favour.

1)Take a clean sheet of paper
2)Take an extra dark pencil - 2HB
3)Write down all your insults/ a list fashion
4)Number each of the insults/complaints..
5)Roll the paper
6)Put a rubber band over it
7)Shove it up yer #$%^in @%%

Take a good look at me - Do I look like I give a Rat's ass? (Remember the first line on my first orkut profile :P)

I have a new policy. It's called the No Sh!t From You Policy!
Which means, I won't be taking any sh!t from come on now, all good things come to an end?

I recently inaugurated my new policy by returning some Holy Sh!t to a bunch of people I have been taking sh!t from for all my life..and my-O-my does it feel good to pile-em-on with a load o' their own!
After having continously redefined/extended the limits of "Sportive behaviour" and the line between "Haha :) " and "Whoop-yo-@$$" time, it's finally time for change.

Sniff...Obama would be proud of that!

Ladies and gentlemen of the Compliant Cult...

Have a nice day!

Sunday, 4 January 2009

Small addition to last post

This is a small addition to my last post, since there seems to be a need for me to justify it.
if you have visited this article with a direct link, please go back and read the last one here:

NOTE: The last article was edited, which is made clear at that article itself!
I had agreed to delete my posts after Indyarocks deleted my account on their site and they have. So now edited out everything in both my articles.
I have retained the snapshots of the site screen, because in the comments form you can see their own explanation of the site's odd behaviour.

I couldn't figure out how to login without a "ok" or "login" button. I switched to using a better online service all thanks to its BRAND new BRAND ambassador Benne Batta :D
I thought it was a problem with my system..but I have had a format, a reinstall many times over since May and the page is still like that.

Besides, I got my own cell and I haven't had any problems.

Later I did figure out a way to login with that screwed up screen, I did so only to delete my account. After logging in, the page looked like this- My argument was only that, with the site conked out like this, there was no way I could interact with anyone. So its a mystery how Sanjay got into my list.

Their founder Kalyan has informed me(Through mail) that he personally oversees every new feature added to their website and there is no way that the information of the users on Indyarocks can fall into wrong hands.

I request the users not to take any action based on my articles, which is probably based on circumstances only I encountered (or realised).

Indyarocks wants to overtake Orkut very soon and I have no intention of harming their chances!

Happy new year to Indyarocks :D
All the best!

Friday, 2 January 2009 stealing your password?

*Friendly Internet Warning*(Not anymore)

This post - I have deleted(or edited out everything) as I had promised to Indyarocks!
My account on their site has been deleted and so I am doing my bit in deleting this post now.

Their founder Kalyan has informed me(Through mail) that he personally oversees every new feature added to their website and there is no way that the information of the users on Indyarocks can fall into wrong hands.

I request the users not to take any action based on my articles, which is probably based on circumstances only I encountered (or realised).

Indyarocks wants to overtake Orkut very soon and I have no intention of harming their chances!

Happy new year to Indyarocks :D
All the best!

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Nerdiest New year's eve


First of all, let me wish you all a
Happy new year!!!

if I haven't explicitly done that already on Insanity Unlimited!!!

The most common question right now - What did you do for the new year?
Well, the answer would be unsurprising at best - I was studying!

Like duh!
Everyone were! But, hold on you..I got a little surprise.

This new year's eve marks my first ever night out!
I can hear you saying " Huh! Height of lying ". But it ain't so!

Yeah baby! That's gonna go down in the " Things I learnt this year '09 " list for sure!
Mr.Romantico (The same guy with three girlfriends) came over to have a look at all the questions papers for C# and I had this brainwave (Don't faint now, I really did have one), I said
" Hey , yo...stay over for the night homie"

Lo n behold, we are all set to give me my own first ever night-out!
(Keep your geeky gay jokes to yourself )
I went from 10 AM on 31st to 6AM on 1st Jan non-stop...I have gone days before sleep , but this is the first time I have gone on a study marathon. Being a guy who can't study for 40 mins straight, I will definitely remember this day!

The only break I took was to send that SMS on Insanity_Unltd SMS group,

"To all the members of my group-
I love you all...umm no actually no I don't, but hey!
Happy new year "

Almost 10 people thought I was completely drunk after recieving my message and they all replied, something like - " Stop partying, go home, get sober and study for tomorrow , Happy new year "
I took me a while to understand why they sent those messages!

BTW, in a way I already started well with my first resolution, call it wake up early, or go to bed really really late, Im gonna say I satisfied it! So far, so good!

The exam was okie dokie, but with 2 and half hours to go for the new year, I didn't even look like I would pass, I had prepared for some 10 marks worth! Again, Nush and R's selected topicsu saves my day! Hurray...My heroes!

C'mon, its a big deal for me...I know you are wondering what's so great about all this...NERDS!