Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Crushed Ice

It was a really long time ago that I wondered how insane it would be to list all my crushes and the stories related. It's not a long list, but it would definitely be a long post. And of late, most of you hate my long posts (along with my short, medium and medium-short posts). So I decided to not go ahead with trying out that idea. But I will talk about some significant incidents. For example...

My First Crush

She was this girl in my class, who used to come on my school bus. I had never had an actual crush before, and this one really confused me. Having been brought up with a lot of boys AND girls, I never saw much of a difference between both. All that changed one fateful day when she walked past the window beside which I was seated inside the bus, with those earrings.

Yes, it was those earrings that did the trick, sorry if you were expecting something more romantic like long shining hair, or hips that swayed side to side like a plantain leaf in the warm afternoon wind, or a voice so sweet that you needed three shots of insulin to digest her "hello", but I'm not much of a romantic writer.

Back to the crush. She appeared in my dreams that night. I don't really remember seeing her face at all. Just her earrings and her voice, the way I imagined it - hoarse and loud, but lovable. I still remember the dream, it was just as weird as those earrings(Come to think of it, the earrings were not that weird).

Before we continue with the story, I must tell you that she belongs to one of those ultra decent categories. Won't see a boy, won't hear a boy, won't.. Because boys are EVIL!! Well, now she is a bit more relaxed now though.

I thought about her and that dream for the next five days during class, at home, on the football field. Everywhere. Yes. That was my first real crush. She broke the ice, so I guess she will be a legend some day (She better be)

How I got over her

You know how people say that the first crush is really special and you have a weakness for her and all? Well, not really.

This thinking and day dreaming lasted for five days. After that, the school closed for the Dasara vacations and when we came back, I didn't remember anything no more. Only when I finally became friends with her 8 years later, that I suddenly remembered everything and haven't forgotten ever since. I found it very funny how I had forgotten about it. Since I was cool about it, I told her how I had a 5 day crush on her once and Good Lord she totally freaked out and ran amock all around town for the next one month.

" Ahh...that monster said he has a crush on me. Now I have lost all my purity. My squeaky clean image..its destroyed. Nobody will marry me. Why GOD WHY? WHY ME??? "

The Grand Finale (Last crush)

Zooming past all the other mediocre crushes, I bring you to the very last crush, which happened quite a years ago despite being my last. Well, she was this immigrant from Antarctica, she ruled a kingdom there (Queen of ice). She didn't say so, but she was so cold that we could take a guess.

Another good guess could have been that she was a robot from the future/alien planet.

"Feelings? What are these feelings you speak about? Are they the paper things you hang in the toilet? Where I come from, they call them tissue paper."

Thank GOD I never gave her a rose. If I ever did, she would look at it with absolute curiosity for the next ten minutes, the would have bitten off the top, crunched it like a Cadburies 5 star and then spit it in my face complaining that I gave her something that wasn't sweet/juicy enough.

Seriously, at 2 feet 7 inches and 14 microns tall, she was so full of herself, that you could bet your cojones off that when she is finally six feet under, she would turn into a manure mine if you know what I mean.

Brain Versus Heart - How I got over her

You know how all the negative traits of a person vanishes when you have a crush on her? It was the same with me. I never saw how she was close to a star wars character than a normal one as long as I was totally hammered over her. All that changed one fateful afternoon when we met right after lunch.

She might have been a messy eater all along and I never noticed it, until then, or maybe that particular day she had been really messy. Clearly, she had some stuff on her cheek. (To put it in a nutshell. Because the detailed truth might make it gross. Plus I have a weak stomach for such things myself.). So as one last favour to my last crush, I told her to wipe her slimy face, when nobody was looking. And now that I had seen that..I had seen it all.

I mean clearly, I did not want a girlfriend with whom I could guess what she had for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the last three days. No sir.

Score one for the brain. Brain 4 - Heart 0.

Good thing she doesn't read my blog. Or she might fry my ass with a plasma ray gun or a laser bazooka that is likely to be hidden in her bionic arm.

Somewhere in between - my 2nd or 3rd wait 3rd.

Explaining only my first and last crushes did seem like selling a used shoe for couple a thou. So here is a freebie in the pack.

I dunno which number she comes into. Oh wait...she was the 2nd. Or so I think. Anyway, she was this childhood friend. She had shown that she had a hint of liking to me and for a lot of years that made me uncomfortable. But after I got over my crush of Britney Spears, I started looking at my real life options.

By the way, yes, I am not including Britney Spears in the list. Its just way too lame when people put celebrities on the their list of crushes.

"Hey, who was your first crush?"
"No, its a secret"
"Hey please tell me" (Say its me! Because you were mine)
"No..but I had only like three"
"Cmon, please tell me" (Oh wow, my chances have gone up, but who the hell are the other two losers?)
"Ok. Aamir Khan, Richard Gere and George Clooney"
"Oh so nice" (Bitch!)

Never happened to me but I have seen guys complain about this a lot. So I didn't put celebs on my list. I didn't want to be a bitch.

Sorry about the off topic, so lets get back to talking about my 2nd. So she was this only girl I was close to at that point in time. Eventually I ended up with a teeny tiny crush on her.

How I got over her

Sad story. True story (All of the stories on my blog b.t.w). One fine day she had asked me to meet her when she was visiting my college. I had never made a move on her and had never planned to. Well that's me. But I was meeting her after a really long time. We had just kept in touch over the net and the phone, busy with our own lives. So we finally meet and I get a close up of her and find that she had really brown teeth. Good God!

Score one for brain. Brain 2 - Heart 0

I know. I know. I am a jerk!

(And just so you know, I won't be revealing/confirming the names of any of these chicks online or offline, at any cost. Thank you)

I am the kind of guy who gives the rest a bad name. But give it a thought..imagine me saying

"I like my girlfriend's teeth like I like my coffee...BROWN!"

Thank you brain. All of you are free to go ahead and call me a douche, but believe you me. If it wasn't for my brain and its quick reflexes, I wouldn't be as awesome as I was today and I wouldn't have written a single story on my blog.

And if you must know about my celebrity crushes, they were Catherine Zeta Jones, Britney Spears, Aishwarya Rai, Priyanka Chopra and maybe lately Katrina Kaif. In that order.

I know that I am a guy who is single by choice. By second choice. But given a choice, I would still opt to wait for the perfect girl. One who doesn't feel I tarnished her squeaky image by being with her, or has a "Guess what I had for lunch" face, or has a...oh well, you get the picture. Or maybe, I will turn into the crazy snake guy.

Perfect girl...are you there?

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Confusions, Confusions Go away

Too bad. Too bad. There were people around me confused about stuff, now they are all so clear about their future, about what they want. And here I am, almost 24, still not clear about where I am going, why I am going.

Life changing steps freak me out. I have never planned anything. Things always just seem to work out. But what if I run out of luck?

You get the drift. I can't be like this forever. I don't want to know my future, I like being surprised, but I want a little more clarity on the decisions I am gonna be taking.

Please God Please, tell me whether I should buy a DVD writer or wait for a Blue-Ray reader?

Send me a sign. (Or maybe money to buy both).

Sunday, 16 May 2010

The Crazy snake guy

You know you are gonna die alone in the basement of your house at a pretty old age (and then nobody will notice your dead) when you start seeing only two comments waiting to be published on your new post after you login to your blogger dashboard after a week.

Lets just for a while, screw that I don't care policy and seriously think of how a person gets used to seeing 8-12 comments waiting to be published the very next day of writing a new story. How your world has gone from being ignored without purpose, to being ignored on purpose, out of jealousy that he is now the all la-di-da writer in our midst. What can he write that I can't. And you can sense that vibe of well confined appreciation. You know you have secretly motivated bloggers here, there and everywhere. You get one hundred unique hits a day. Forty percent of those bookmarked visits coming from outside your country. You are finally, really the king of your world.

And then, life happens. It doesn't wait around for you to wonder if you have a choice between being a mostly-secretly appreciated writer but not good enough to so much as buy your own pen and going with the flow. Anyway, there is no choice. You can go with the flow and hope that both can be juggled, or just wait for another miracle. And then you start wondering if you are making it all a big deal? It was good while it lasted, and eventually you will run out of things to say. Nobody will realise your aren't there. Remember, only dead things go with the flow, and so did I. I had never cared and will never.

But you just know, that every time you see only two comments (From nice people because..well they are nice and has nothing to do with my blog) waiting not so eagerly for my approval, that you are dying alone after maybe spending the last twenty years rearing cats or lizards or some other strange animal you hate right now and doesn't give a crap about your blog, so that you can scare little children with it. When that happens, please give away my pets to the zoo.

All of a sudden, things change. You see a new follower. You have no idea why you care, but you are now not so sure about the you-are-dying-alone theory. I will probably die with that guy? Eww I certainly hope not. Will look like a gay couple committed suicide because they were ashamed to come clean (No pun intended) about their relationship. And if it is a girl, its like getting two followers at once. So with that new follower, life is all rosy. Rosier than the cheapest Golconda wine stain. So you immediately get on and start typing that story you were thinking about in the bus, until you realise, that the new follower is not aware of the commenting "facilities" either. So its back to watching the hit meter get just 2 unique hits on a lucky day. (Isn't it ironical that I am talking about YOU, yes YOU my dear reader and just one other person.)

You type out a joke about the facts of your life and the only comment you get is like "Oh that was bad", I almost pull my scalp out while tugging at my hair shouting "IT DID NOT REALLY HAPPEN, ITS A JOKE" but you realise, they can't hear you. And there is no way to make my point any more either.

Seriously, make sure you give away my pets to the zoo (they probably won't bite).

Sunday, 9 May 2010

Looking for a house again

I'm so fcukin tired of looking for a house. All the guys who got posting in the same city along with me are now looking for a house with me. And come Monday I have to start looking for a house again. Can't I throw me feet up for a while? I had enough house searching only recently back in hometown. My family shifted only weeks ago. And I didn't even get to unpack.

Come ON!

Maybe I must consider a career in Real Estate. "Oh you will just love this house, the window opens to a view of two cows and many many flies and you know what? You can wake everyday to the smell of that dung..just like the good old country side. You will wonder if you are really living in a metro. And here is a bonus package, you get to fist fight with the civilized neighbours everyday for different reasons, turning you into a real man."

I'm sure I have it in me.

Yeah..we looked into two houses so far..both were rubbish. I wish I was just rich enough to live alone. I didn't have to worry about walking into the house after work to a bunch of room-mates watching porn(Seriously, I don't get the point or kicks in watching someone else do it, call me what you want) with so much intensity that if they had focussed so much on work or studies, they would be my landlord rather than my room-mates. Or someone playing Akon or Malayalam movie songs at full volume at the middle of the night.

I'm not complaining...I have just always been this private guy when it comes to my personal space. All this room-mates thing feels so invaded upon.

I can only hope that this week that I get at least, AT LEAST a good house for a good price, in a good locality(Without cows and flies), I don't mind being without a bit of personal space for a while now.

Saturday, 1 May 2010

The week that wows

Ok. Here is my week in a nutshell.

* Got the big news, I'm not gonna be posted away, I'm STAYING RIGHT HERE! I'm so relieved.

* Rode at 120+ on India's second longest bridge.

* Got to see the Satyam campus and its WICKED!! Seriously..its way better than infy or whatever campus I have seen so far in real or on TV/news. It beats most of the college campuses too. The architecture (is above average, if not best), the trees, and oh the BIG tree..the banyan. Just awesome. Its so much put into an average amount of area. Sad that the organisation had a bumpy time in the recent past.

* Appeared for a cricket team selection just for the hell of it, bowled a bit and got selected.

* Bought myself a Beautiful Betta (Fighter Fish). He is a curious little devil.

* Was told I will be put into a dev role when everyone around is getting testing.

* And my cabin... (HEAVA-A-A-A-NNN!).
Its at the corner, got a big window in front of me. Even though most cabins have 4 people sharing it, because of the location of this one, it has a BIG (And I mean Big!!) pillar right behind me, which makes it a one person cabin. Nobody would know if I did the Manipuri tribal dance in it.

* Got a very important letter.

* I finally decided to completely quit coffee (Outside home - Hey! Terms & Conditions always apply dude). And I went the entire 123 hours without coffee. Had a big bucket of coffee when I got back home though. Twice.
So as long as I'm outta town, my famous "Thank you God for Chocolate, Cricket and Coffee" becomes "Thank you God for Chocolate, Cricket and Katrina Kaif"

* And no, I didn't visit that Plastic surgeon