Friday, 25 February 2011

Forget IP Addresses, the world is running outta decent names

An Egyptian couple reportedly named their new born daughter 'Facebook'.
Their neighbours, not to be left behind decided to name their yet-to-be born daughter as ‘Diaspora’ but all they had was a still-born.

A little known fact about that Egyptian couple is that they also had a son named 'Myspace' but he was lost in some stormy weather a few years ago during a pilgrimage (Kumbh-ka-mela of sorts) and hasn’t been found ever since. They have stopped searching.

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My heart goes to the daughter by the way. Imagine growing up into a teenager and realizing that their parents were dull enough to be over-awed by a social networking site, so much so that they thought they could name their daughter after it. It might be The social networking site at the moment, but just a social networking site nevertheless. I gotta say that they are easily impressed. Either that or:

1) They are the biggest geeks ever to walk the face of the earth who also happen to speak fluent Quenya (High-elf).

Mom: I still think ‘Twitter’ sounded better!

2) Lots and lots of tequila, lime and salt during the naming ceremony

“I here-by name my daughter Fauzia Begum, no wait, make that FaceBook, sounds so much cooler”

3) The Egyptian society is still stuck in the Stone Age and they hate their girl child to the bone.

“Girl child...bad! Me Give stupid name!”

4) Mubarak’s men dealt a really serious blow to their heads during the revolution.

If you still don’t get why I feel for the child, let me put you in her shoes. Imagine you were born when India gained independence and your parents decided to christen you ‘All India Radio’. (Or even better, you were born during The American revolution in 1700s and your parents named you 'Horse'). You wouldn’t exactly be the most popular kid in school mate.

Monday, 14 February 2011

Happy V Day

Those of you, like me, whose inhibitions prevent you from taking a plunge into the water..too sad you ain't part of the 12000 crore industry ;)

As for me, yesterday, my cousin got married (speak about timing), and my four aunts were hellishly busy combing the entire wedding hall for a cute chick for me. And I was the good cousin (as always) helping with and running around for the arrangements. Now I have showed up at office with drowsy eyes and a million aching muscles.

And oh, my aunts were unsuccessful. Cheers!

Sunday, 6 February 2011


Getting hammered with a pornstar on a private pad on a Tuesday night. I would really like to know what he does on Friday night. Respect!

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Narnia and Gaddam resign

In the last week of December both Gaddam and Narnia (mentioned in The Office - Part I) put in their papers and left the office. So I am sorry to inform you that you won’t be hearing any funny incidents about them again. And you probably should skip this post if you haven't read the others, cause that might seriously harm my image. ;)

The Legend of Narnia

The first to go was Narnia. She had sent a mail with all the blah-blahs that you usually get to read on anybody's good bye post and in addition to all that she had specifically asked for some of us to meet her before she left and during this, we were supposed to give her one piece of advice so that she could "become a better person for the rest of her journey. You can be completely honest with me, I won’t feel bad.".

I read the last line again

"You can be completely honest with me, I won’t feel bad."

The good old voice in my head gave out a thunderous, but wonderous “Muhahahahaha”.

You see, this girl had a pretty bad attitude and we all hated it. Some of our work depended on her work and she never completed her work on time and was the least courteous soul I had seen on earth.

And I the kind of guy, If you give me the license to kill, I would solve the problem of over population. She had pretty much done something like that when she asked me also to give her a piece of advice. I wanted to tell her to tone down her arrogance. Trust me it sounds nicer than the way I planned it. In reality I was not keen on meeting her, but I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind. It seems very brutal for a last day chat, but hey, I’m Iceman.

She sent a mail later asking us to meet at 5:30PM in the café. Or at least, that’s what I thought. When I finally went to the café I noticed I was the only person she was meeting. Slightly taken aback, I sat down with my coffee and exchanged a few pleasantries and we lost track for about 7-8 minutes. Then she said “Before I go I want to tell you one little thing if you wouldn’t mind” I smiled and said “I wouldn’t mind if you slap me right now”. She went on “, but seriously, all I wanted to say was that you are a bit too arrogant. Try to work on it, if you can’t at least hide it”. Somewhere in my heart, a fat man and little boy were going bonkers and I think there was a little smoke coming outta my ears. She continued “If you have anything to say, something similar, you can.”. So I put down my coffee and replied as cold as possible, “Yes, in fact I had something similar in mind, but I think you are getting late to go home”.

Laughing she got up “See this is what I love about you, it’s my last day and you don’t mind asking me to go” and gave me the usual hug and the peck on the cheek and as she turned to pick up her bag my curiosity got the better of me and  I asked “But really? I was arrogant with you? When?” I personally put up my best professional behavior at work, so even though its common for people to tell me that I’m rude, miserable, sarcastic, brutal all the time, it was definitely a surprise to get it from a colleague. She said “Haan, remember the very first day we met? I was so friendly with you, I’m usually never like that with people at office and you refused to even give me your name. I had to find out from my neighbour. Seriously, what was your problem? I felt so insulted that day.”

Again, If you had read the July post in which Narnia was mentioned, you would understand what she just said.

I thought for a moment if it was better to explain to her but then again, I felt too lazy to do it, so I just heaved a big sigh and said “aah..never mind!”

I am very choosy lately about who I add on social networks what with all my offensive status messages, rude comments and all, so I avoid adding my colleagues. This means this is how our last meeting will end - Interesting and Hellishly Ironical.

God Damn Gaddam

And of course, our latest celebrity on this page, Gaddam also resigned and he too sent an emotionally charged email and all the blah blah blah. Fortunately he did not ask me to meet him privately too. But we did meet at a team mates cubicles. At the moment he was all set with his backpack and lunch box ready to walk out of those doors one final time after shaking hands with all of us of course. A few more people assembled when they saw him bidding good byes. I noticed that all the people present there were the same people who were in that forgettable meeting I have told you about. So when he finally came to shake hands with me, all boys and girls started sniggering at the awkwardness that seemed to be inevitable soon.

I thought I would entertain them with the legend one last time and asked Gaddam loudly, but as if I was whispering it to him

“So Gaddam, do you want me to finger you one last time?”.

Roars of laughter followed as we expected a shy response from him but Gaddam smiled and replied

“We are not colleagues anymore, so you can come and finger me any day you want!”

followed by an even louder  roar of laughter, good enough to grab the attention of the entire floor. And it’s a pretty big floor.

The team mates had mocked us every single day after that meeting and yet he never really understood the real meaning of what he had said!