Tuesday, 29 March 2011

A New claim for 15 minutes of fame

Give the world a man of peace and they call him a bi-sexual and a racist...

...give them a man of violence, they will put him in a room with top-notch security.

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Patience my child

A couple of random events presented to you,
simply because I got nothing better to say or do.

Bring forth your stone jars my children

One fine afternoon, I'm having this hellishly intense craving for coffee. And if you knew me you would know I would make Libya look like a sneeze if I didn't get my timely fix of caffeine.

I go to the cafe and get to the coffee machine, but there is this nice elderly gentleman just standing there and filling up his cup with hot steam and I begin to think, why is it labelled as 'hot steam'? Does steam come chilled? I should get me a cup of one of those if they do, but definitely after this cup. And more silly thought when he turned around and probably mistook me for a nice young stranger, because he smiled at me, so I smiled back and before I know it, its two minutes. This gentleman is still standing, with a cup full of near boiling water and just looking at it. I decide not to intrude on whatever this old guy was doing so I waited 30 seconds more. Then I waited 10 more. This was clearly puzzling me cause I had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

For a moment I wondered if the bag of bones had fallen asleep staring into the cup. Or even worse, died.

40 more seconds passed and this guy was still staring dead deep into the cup of water, I tapped the on his shoulders and said softly "Sir, it turns into wine only on Sundays".

That did the trick. He immediately disappeared with his cup of hot water and luminous aura.

And if we move to the right, we can see a plate of idlys

A few weeks ago, I'm having dinner at this place I go to usually. I don't remember what I had ordered but I think it was a plate of pooris. This is one of these places where you stand and eat on a table. As I am busy digging into the pooris, I notice this lady, staring into my plate. A glance is pretty common from people at the restaurants, because most people are trying to make their minds about what to get and can't help looking at some other people's orders. So I immediately looked away and continued to eat.

One poori later, I notice that she is still looking at my plate. I gave her a stare trying to unsettle her, she looked at me and went right back to looking at my plate. The unsettler, became unsettled. The unsettlee however, poked at one of her friends and pointed at my plate as if I wasn't even there.

They even had an engaging conversation about my dinner for the next couple o minutes. I'm usually pretty pleased to run into weirdos. Not because I feel right at home with them, but because, they are food for my blog. And if you go around, you probably run into a lot of them and they continue to surprise you every-single-time. But this pair was really killing my apetite.

I waited for a few moments and finally took a few steps towards them and said "Does your cellphone have a camera?"

"Excuse me" she said, with a full nakhra look. She probably thought I was using a lame pick-up line. So I repeated my query.

After glancing at her friend and giggling she said "Yeah, why?"

"Well, you can take a picture of my pooris if you want. I can wait."

Her friend got the joke...she didn't! And, no, it didn't entirely do the trick, but I had to go through only a couple more minutes of that.


There are more to come from weirdville, but that's for another day another post.

Monday, 7 March 2011

The fairer sex

Happy woman's day to all the lovely women in my life.

Where would I be without you?

Sunday, 6 March 2011

The World Cup 2011 - My first take!

The problem with Indians is that everybody thinks they are a cricket expert, political analyst, movie reviewer and world class photographer. That's the reason I try not to talk about my take on the game, just so that I don't get lost in the crowd. But going by all the crap talk going on about how India is unfit for the world cup, I had to write just to prove there are a few bloggers out here who are still rooting for the right team.

After Ireland's upset over England and with England winning against South Africa today, the points standings in group B have spread open wider than Mallika Sherawat's legs in her happy place. That should really help the bookies lose a few calories for now. Anyway, people looked like they had been waiting with bated breath to use the word 'Chokers' ever since they picked up the reference from the media and my facebook and twitter has been flooded with it, but little do they realise that the pitch the match was played on was pathetic. However, that doesn't stop me from cooking up jokes on it. This one just hit me in the shower-

Q: What do you call a South African Cricketer who made it to the team on colour quota?

A: A Choke-let!

I used to save these for the SMS group, but thats long dead now, so what the hell?

The Irish have proved that if they stay away from the pubs they can knock around the ball a bit. Against England they were pinching runs like it was St. Patrick's day. Their fielding has been world class too. A few more surprises and they might make it to the quarters.

The tie with England in the last game resulted most apparently due to the carefree attitude towards the England side. It was a screamer of a batting surface. And look, its the English team! They may win the Ashes 5 times in a row, but when it comes to ODIs they are just a bunch of clueless monkeys on the field. They prepare much harder on their comments about the weather and their cups of tea rather than the game.

-Oh dear oh dear, its a cloudy day I'm afraid.
-Looks like we could use a nice cup of tea.
-Oh wondeful, just what I had in mind. What do you reckon we do about the game tomorrow?
-I beg your pardon, What game?

The 7 year old roadkill on the state highway 17 has more life in it than that pitch that was used for the game. If only India had played as seriously as they would have if they were playing South Africa, they might have gotten close to 400, but at the end of the innings they thought that 330 odd was more than enough to handle a bunch of monkeys, right?

By winning today, steadily, India remain the only undefeated team in the group. That should put a cork on all the guys bitching and whining like sixteen year old girls having a panic attack.

 Yuvi becomes the first cricketer to take a 5-pher and score a half century in a world-cup match

There is some concern over the bowling, but that's really most of Piyush Chawla and Sreesanth. I dunno who  slept with the selectors for them to get into the team, but Ojha was a few leagues ahead as a spinner and supposedly the team wanted Vinay Kumar over Sreesanth. I guess they have to now do without these two. Even the Irish hit Chawla for over 7 an over for Pete's sake!

Coming to group A:
Things there are as boring as a Hindi movie made to reach the Oscars. There is absolutely no way Kenya, Canada and Zimbabwe are gonna give high blood pressure to the other teams. Hoping for a good fight between Pak Vs NZ. And somebody has to stop the Aussies.

All in All:
My money as of now is on India winning on April 2nd after The God scores his century. In fact, he might call it quits for ODIs then and there. If that doesn't happen? Well you get to come back and rub it in my face.

Go India, Go!