Sunday, 10 April 2011

Snow white and The Pimple

Pimples, aren't they annoying? Over centuries and centuries of just showing up, they seem to have perfected their timing - for showing up at the wrong place, at the wrong times. Like one of my ex-girlfriends when I was cheating on her.

The first question most people asked me after I started working was "Do you like anybody there? Anyone interesting?". The truthful answer is no, there is no one interesting here (I'm not going off-topic, please bare bear with me here). But...and there is always a big 'but' large enough to make Sir.Mix-A-lot have a fatal heart attack, there is this one cute chick, who unfortunately happens to be a couple of years senior.

Its unfortunate because we have built a pretty good rapport and I'm pretty sure that its illegal in some countries to be as cute as that. Every time she talks, I hear Chariots of fire in the background and she starts moving in slow motion.

This happened a few weeks ago when I'm sitting at someone's cubicle, thinking about how disastrous my life has become, you know with all the slavery and all when I see her rushing towards me from some hundred feet away, frantically waving her hands at me, with a million watt smile, her snow white face glowing like a Deepavali flower-pot. I looked around to see who she could be waving at with so much enthusiasm. This didn't look like a friend-to-friend smile-cum-wave at all. This was the face of a woman in love. Trust me peepal, I know one when I see one. There was nobody around and by the method of elimination, she was comin-cha-get- *drum rolls*- ME!! Yoo-hoo!

All of sudden, my life wasn't disastrous any more. Everything went from black & white to kick-ass High def. Chariots of fire started playing again. I saw her running towards me in super-slo-mo, slowly leaping through the air, her long black tress jumping around her shoulders. My pupils dilated and there were tsunamis in my heart as I shouted to myself in my mind "There IS a GOD!!".

She was only 10 feet away from me when suddenly she noticed this giant pimple on my nose, Rrrrrrrright between the eyes. The DJ playing the background track jerked his disc, making that big 'screeeech' sound and she herself let out a wild, sharp shriek in horror and skid on her high heels because she didn't like the direction she was heading to. She probably slipped and fell backwards immediately but I didn't notice it since the melon-sized pimple was blocking my vision.

The next thing I remember, she is gasping for breath with her hand on her chest, eyes so wide open that they reminded me of a slender loris. I asked her what happened, so she tried to regain composure and tried really hard to smile at me but the horror remained on her face when she said "Nothing".

"You were about to tell me something?"

" why would I do that?....Ok bye!"

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the thing started to constantly hurt like hell and on top of that I had to hear these lines for the rest of the week -

Person1 - "What's that?" (With fingers pointing at my nose)
Iceman - "Christmas decoration! You like it?"

Person2 - "Hey Icema...OH DEAR LORD!!"
Iceman - "Why don't you sit down and have a glass of water? I'll come back later"

Person3 - "Hey..Oh what the hell is tha..."
Iceman - "Pimple"

Person4 - "Hey! Is that a...??"
Iceman - "Yes"

Person5 - "Hey..."
Iceman - "Its called a pimple...GET OVER IT YOU FUCKIN MORON!!"
Person5 - "Relax, I just wanted your bike keys."

So by the end of day 5, to avoid all the shrieking, gasping and fainting -
Iceman - "Make a hole people, big pimple coming through"

And how can I forget this one -
Person6 - "Oh Lord what's that on your neck...oh thank God, it's just your face!"

The horrible little thing had become such a popular figure that they even give it a name -
"The big pimp"
full with celebrity status. Talk about irony! It did everything the opposite of a pimp.

However, the story is not yet over. Turns out the cute chick had actually come to say something to me. But I'm tired of typing today, so I will talk about that one later, even though I hate committing myself to writing about something in the (near) future, so we will see how this one goes.

As for the The Pimple, I must say we Indians are truly sentimental fools. When Mr.Big Pimp, finally found his calling and vanished into oblivion, he was greatly missed at the office. I think they are secretly planning to make him the company mascot with action figures and all. I take it as a sign that I need to change companies soon. Life is back to Black & white, with scratches on film, horrible actors and no sound.


  1. I didn't know men were bothered about pimples...

  2. Well we are bothered about woman repellers. Did you read the post or just read the first paragraph? :D

  3. Men have a tendency to read ( or rather, want to read ) too much into even simple innocent, friendly overtures by females if they are attractive.
    While at the same time, men have time and again missed opportunities by not reading subtle signals from women when they do throw them in.
    Why is the burden of being forward on men alone ?
    PS: Please do not refer to me by my name, I am trying to google-proof myself.

  4. @YMR Men have to do all the shit! Be forward, be turned down...its too much *Sigh*

  5. The pimple that was harmful. Now that its gone, life will go to super Hi-def mode again!!

  6. "Christmas decoration! You like it?"


    Interesting post! :)

  7. @prmk I sure hope so. :)

    @Chandrika :D They didn't like the decoration that much. And said I was a little too early! ;)

  8. lollllllll @ above comment...

    awesomest post :-) but..u had a gf tat u were cheating on?

  9. This is really a cool post dude.. Starting from the pimple, passing through the girl rushing towards you, then being called as Mr. Pimp.. lol!! something unique and strange... :-)

  10. @Bharat
    Thnx man :) And welcome to the Insanity.

    Thank you.
    No, I did not have a girlfriend that I was cheating on. :D

  11. so that proves that u hd a gf dat u din cheat on? ;)

  12. The secret of success is constancy to purpose.

  13. At Benjamin Disraeli
    My purposes are constant sire, as they are pure, I assure you :P

  14. Laughed hard at Person5 - "Hey..."
    Iceman - "Its called a pimple...GET OVER IT YOU FUCKIN MORON!!"
    Person5 - "Relax, I just wanted your bike keys." nice one

  15. Great job, you've helped me so much and I am so glad I have chosen your service.