Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Typical Discussion of the Indian Batting line up

I wonder if the typical Discussion of the Indian Batting line up goes like this:

Opener 1 to Opener 2: Dude which one of us is going to get out in the first over?

Opener 2: Lets flip a coin and decide.


Opener 1: Damn it man. How come you get to get out every time? There is pressure on me after you leave.

After dismissal.

Number 3 AKA Rahul Dravid: We need to bat and bat and bat until these guys get bored and slip into a coma. We have to build an innings, do you read me soldier? DO YOU??

Opener 1 (Almost peeing himself): Sir! Yes Sir!

After stabilizing the innings Opener 1 and Rahul Dravid fall in quick succession and walk back to the pavillion to standing ovation.

People hurriedly login to Facebook and twitter to show their love for these cricketers. (Others like me stop watching once Dravid gets out)

Batsman 4 to Batsman 5: Dude!

Batsman 5: Dude!

Batsman 4: Are you thinking what I am thinking?

Batsman 5: Totally dude! Lets totally screw up what the top order did.

Batsman 4: I was actually thinking of getting high after the match, but that's also an awesome idea.

Approximately 35 seconds later Batsmen numbered 4,5,6,7,8 and 9 have fallen for around 3 runs. A phenomenon known as

The Great Indian Collapse

Number 10 and 11 hang around for around 10-20 deliveries and knock a few around. Make 4-9 look like little kittens, before being dismissed.

Number 11: We totally kicked their ass!

Sunday, 14 August 2011

The epitome of maturity

That's me!

Alert: One friend has complained that I write more about my office lately and two have complained that my posts are very long to read. All three of them are certain to be disappointed with this post.

Ever since I moved to a new neighbourhood and at the same time moved to this city to start working, the sudden change in environment and the expectation of the general public that a 20+ guy must and should behave like a 20+ guy had put immense pressure on me. I could just not be myself any more.

Back in my old neighbourhood, or even in college, I didn't have to use the gate to get into the house, I could sing as loudly as possible (unless people came over with sticks and cricket bats to investigate if my dad was beating up my mum). I could shout all I want, anything I want.
Aaaaand most importantly I could hog on chocolates around my friends without being accused of behaving like a kid or worse..a girl.

In my new neighbourhood, I am that gentlemen who is in town only for the weekend, very well behaved, opens his mouth only to say "Hello auntiji/uncleji/thatha/ajji". Nice boy! Sweeet boy. (Someone put a silver bullet in my heart. Pronto.)

At office...PROFESSIONAL! *Ting*

As they say, you cannot cage a monster. In my case..the immaturity. And I found that out at the worst possible moment. Let us start from the beginning.

When I started working, my family had their doubts whether I would really get up before noon and head away to work when I was not under their supervision. I proved them wrong by being at office sharp on time, well before 9, spic and span.

But that was 1 and a half year ago. Today its a completely different scene. At 10 AM there is a very good chance that I will still be asleep. When I finally step into office, its 11 AM and I look like I have just gotten out of bed, my hair is all untidy and eyes half open. I notice some of them, say "Hi!" with just one eye open and stifle it with a careless yawn. I do notice my manager who is trying to make some eye contact so that I understand I am late, but I give him more than he bargained for by staring at him for about 40 seconds almost like asking " what? So WHAT? Bite Me!!".

I'm telling you, I am very close to getting fired. The only reason they don't fire me is because they know that I AM working sincerely. Many days I work pretty long hours.

Well, enough was enough. Last Monday the manager wanted to give me a piece of his mind. Fortunately I was not the only issue in my team. The others though they came on time, they would take leaves whenever they wanted..and their 'seriousness' was in question because they failed to produce some documents or whatever. They organized a daily meeting of about 7 people. 1 manager, 3 seniors (including my lead) and 3 juniors (including me.) hoping that it would keep us in check.  This meeting was supposed to start from Monday, but as things turned out, I came to office at 12:30 PM while 2 of the guys were on leave.

So the meeting finally happened on Tuesday. When I entered the meeting room with my lead and 2 other seniors, the manager was already fuming thick whitish grey smoke through all his orifices. Despite realising that I was in for a severe blasting, I was unable to stay wide awake, so I immediately went and occupied the only chair in the room. After staring at me with disbelief for about a minute he enquired my lead about the other two "fellows". I assured him they would be in office in 5 minutes with a deep devilish smile.

First he gave a lecture about what he expects from the team. Second he turned to me and lectured about punctuality and how he expects me to come early and leave early or something like that. I had already decided I would not contest the argument and thus nodded at everything he said without a hint of rebellion.

I have been known to lash out at managers and also have an image of a guy who has problem with authority. So clearly taken aback with my calm response, he moved on to talk about the other 'fellows'. It had been 45 minutes and very close to 1PM and they were still not in office. Next 15 minutes were spent questioning their integrity, their commitment towards work blah blah blah..most of which did not register in my mind since I was busy thinking about the good time I had with some my friends last Sunday night at a shop and how I loved listening to the good songs from Metallica and Cranberries(Which is worth a mention because of the co-incidence that follows). When I finally tuned into the discussion this is what I heard:

Manager(to lead): I ask you again, we can't you hold these guys responsible...what's in your head? What's in your head?

Long silence.

Iceman(very softly..with a tune): Zombie? Zombie? Zombie? Hey hey hey...du du du...

*An Irish blonde lady walks all over imagination holding a guitar*

Now 4 people just turn their heads towards me slowly. Apparently, it wasn't that soft.
Longer silence.

Iceman (Smiling) : What?

Manager (to lead in Total Tamil accent): Seriously, what's this guys problem daaaaa? I just don't understand him at all wonly daa.

*Another pause*

Manager (On the verge of a nervous breakdown) : I need a break. Lets end this meeting. We will meet tomorrow.

Its been 6 days. I still can't believe I did that.

The "daily" meeting never happened again.

Friday, 12 August 2011

If a Goldfish flew by Haggrid's hut

"I hate paparazzi..especially the ones with poor cameras."

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Frand-sip day

Frandsip, frendsip, frensip. can so many get it wrong? One in every two "deep and meaningful but true lines" forwards are messages about friendship.

Presenting: The day people get really really touchy feely. (Blech!)

Anyway, the diabolical genius that I am, my brain has devised a way to take advantage of the day..

I am going in search of all girls with hot pictures on their profiles on-line and then send them all a request saying

"Hey wil u mak frandsip wit me?" with infinite number of question marks, period and exclamatory marks because girls sooo dig that (Either that or your keyboard-challenged).

Can you imagine what I would have to send if there was a 'love' day? ;)
"Hey wil u mak..." Oh you get the joke.

Given the attachment that people seem to have over "friendship's day", they can't refuse the request.

*Evil Evil laugh*

Too much work at office. Its getting to me. Sigh!