Friday, 30 September 2011

The office Ep 6 - Lord take me right now

LEADing by example

Iceman: Man the fuel prices are getting higher, I will not bring my bike back here on Monday.
Team Lead (TL): Is it? Then how will you come to office?
Iceman: Figuring out a way. I'm okay walking back home, but its the morning thats the problem. I hate crowded buses and I don't want to walk in the sun.
TL : Walk? How can you walk back. Its so far!
Iceman: Its only 3 KMs.
TL: Three kilometers??? :O That is too far!!
Iceman: Relax. I'm used to running 4.5 Kilometers flat out.
TL: 4.5 Kilometers?
Iceman: Yes.
TL: Together??

I give the customary "3-second-stare" for his brain to catch up...

Iceman: No, 10 meters each day.
TL: Ahh...that anyone can do.
*Iceman Facepalm*

Miss Multilingual.
Gee, thanks for explaining that with a picture doc.

Wannabe funny girl: Hey do you speak sarcasm?
Iceman: Sarcasm? Meeee??? Nooooooo!!
WFG: Thats sad cause that is the only language I speak. I love it.
Iceman: are so smart!!
WFG: Ofcourse. :)
*Iceman Facepalm*


Kutty woman. (Say that in the tune of the song "Pretty woman" - Roy Orbison/KHNH)

You know usually everything seems to be so normal and peaceful and suddenly every now and then, unbelievable things happen and you just can't get a grip over yourself. Either the Almighty has sentenced me to spend my life amidst weirdos, or its just that I am a giant blimp on their "victim-radar".

There is this lady in the testing team, she is from Kerala (Hence the name) and has that forever scornful look on her face...

Kutty woman
She gave me the shock of my life recently when I was giving her a review of the test cases she had prepared for my work packet.

Iceman: These TCs look okay, but please include those 3 scenarios I mentioned in the mail.

Kutty Woman (KW): Are you catholic?
Iceman: What?
KW: Are you catholic?
Iceman: What does that have to do with the TCs? Did I say something wrong?
KW (Now very irritated and with the kind of urgency a virgin man would have while chasing a naked woman just 30 seconds before the end of the world): Are you catholic?
Iceman: No man..I'm not even Christian.
KW: Do you know you are going to hell?

I was a little appalled but then composed myself...

Iceman: Oh Yes, Im the guest of honour there.

I'm still wondering who gave this missionary a job here? That lady gives me the heebie-jeebies now. Brrrrr.

Last but not the least, Mr.Playa.

Mr.Playa is this guy I had seen like all over the floor. He looks like your everyday guy. Just going about his duty. But before we get into his story, I must first tell you about some weird voices I heard in the restroom.

BTW, this must be the third story from the rest room? I must start a sub-series on the rest room rather. All the freaks seem to hold a convention there.

So I am washing my face in the rest room and I suddenly hear these stifled voices

"Come on you can do it"

"Come on...come on..."

When I look up, I find The Playa talking to his little friend from down south, encouraging him to do his thing while keeping his eyes shut hard. I think I saw him pump his fist in encouragement.

I thought this was the limits. A 30+ guy who had to work so hard to take a leak.

Have you seen the one where Joey says to Chandler how he can't go when he is nervous? Well NOW do you understand this guy's problem? He can't even go when he is calm.


  1. Haha, people are fucking stupid. I've given up on humanity. You should see the retards in my Education classes (that's a capital "E" - very fancy). These people are the dumbest of all the majors in college, besides maybe Communications and Psychology majors. Hearing these people carry on discussions in class is soul crushing, mind numbing, and outright unbearable. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to work beside these morons.

    I am surprised by how many people say they enjoy sarcasm, yet it completely flies over their head when you use it.

    As far as weirdo Christians, I have no pity for you. I live in a country infested with not only Christians, but people who believe there was LITERALLY an ark built by a 600-year-old man that was filled with every species of animal, and the Earth is only 10,000 years old. I believe this image characterizes their thought process:

    I am a huge Friends fan, so of course I remember that episode! Have you seen the movie "Waiting..."? It has a character with a similar problem.

  2. This is why it is called Kaliyuga ;)

  3. @Ashley
    Hi5 for Friends. No I haven't watched Waiting yet and now I think I will be watching it sometime soon.

    Yes..end of the world :P

  4. @playa.. Ppl have weird problems :)
    As far as christianity is concerned, Adam n Eve story gives the depth of their belief! To top it all the the power of Church. To go against church means to against GOD! Phew..

  5. Now I know what he meant when Mark Twain said "There is no humor in heaven" :P

  6. Why are all wierdo there at youe office only? Why can't I find anyone at my work place? :|
    Anyways I am too curious why kutty woman made that statement! :P

  7. @Rohit
    Reminds me of this quote

    "The Church says that the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round. For I have seen the shadow of the earth on the moon and I have more faith in the Shadow than in the Church. "
    Ferdinand Magellan

    This is the darkest circle of hell my friend. At least the darkest I have been to :P But at least they are paying me, so I take that back.

    @ Kav
    She must be holding part-time missionary position in the church's scheme of things (no pun intended) or something of that sort. :P

  8. LOL..Talking about the loonies at work once this guy I have never seen in my life comes and asks “Hey you are in XYZ’s team right? Would you come and buy Nail Polish?” I go “What??!!!” He says “Yes. I’m selling them in my cubicle, please come down and buy them when you are free”. I give him a stare which says “Do I look like someone who buys glittery nail paint???”. He smiles and leaves me thinking “Boy!!! Did that just happen??!!!”

  9. Man..that guy needs a good appraisal this time.

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